The Perks of Being Nobody
by Lucky Meryl
Summary: No memories, no loving, no caring, no regret...these are the perks of being a nobody. Why has he made me defy these laws? 1st person point of view alternating between Axel and Roxas. There is a plot to come. AkuRoku
1. No Memories

_Note: This is my very second kingdom hearts fic. My first fic, however, was the first fic I ever wrote and was deleted with my old account. If you don't review any other chapter, I would GREATLY appreciate it if you at least reviewed chapter 1 to tell me what you think, what I should change and any errors I may have made. PLEASE AND THANK YOU!!_

Pain. I remember pain. He says I don't remember anything but I do remember a great deal of pain before waking up in this inexistant world. I remember looking down at the keys in my hand as a man approached. "Who are you?" he'd said.

That question . . . why had it been so difficult to answer? I thought about it for several moments before responding. "I'm nobody."

He'd seemed amused by this because he smiled. Finally I gave him a good look. His skin was much darker than min and he had long silver hair and peircing gold eyes. He was wearing a long black coat zipped up to his chin. "Welcome." His voice was as dark as his aura. He held out a hand, which is when I realized I was sitting on the ground. I took his hand and pulled myself up. The keys in my hands dissinigrated into nothing. The shock must have been plastered on my face because he laughed and told me not to worry. "They'll come back," he'd said. I shrugged it off as he asked me another question. "Do you know your name?"

I had to think about it again. Have I ever known my name? I told him the first word that popped into my head sounding even slightly like a name. "Roxas."

He smiled, showing me a sinister grin. "Excellent." He looked down at me. "Well Roxas, it's time to go home." Home . . . where is that? What is that? He grabbed my arm, leading me through, what looked to me like a rip from reality until we came to a white room.

"This place," he said, "is a home for nobodies. Work for me, and you stay here with clothes, a room, and food, for free."

That sounded great. I was feeling hungry so the food sold me out. But still . . . "Who are you?"

He laughed again, this laugh sending chills down my spine. "My name is Xemnas. He walked into the next room, bringing a black cloak like his back out. "So are you staying?" He asked, offering the other coat to me.

Without any thought I took it, thinking about food and warmth. I wasn't thinking about who this man was. I wasn't thinking about how I'd work for him. All I was thinking was, _What is home?_

After putting the cloak on and eating dinner, Xemnas told me: "I'll show you to your room. Tomorrow you can meet the fellow inhabitants of this castle." He stood, gesturing for me to stand up as well. I looked back at the white table I had been sitting at noticing something underneath. The table gave off no shadow.

I followed Xemnas down a white hall, most of the doors were closed, but there were a few that were cracked open enough for me to notice that other people were indeed living there. A few people weren't in their rooms. There were a couple playing cards in a commoner's room, while others in the room sat doing miscellaneous things.

Xemnas stopped abruptly, causing me to run into him. "This is your room, and now you are number thirteen, Roxas." He said, pointing to the black numbers on the white door. "Go in and sleep. You have a big day tomorrow. And I have a meeting to attend to."

I woke up peacefully, feeling no pain, and almost anxious to meet the others that were living here. Getting out of the white bed I put on my cloak, thinking it uniform here. Besides that, I liked wearing black when everything was so white it blinded me. I stepped out of my room, looking down and up the hall before stepping out. I don't remember why I was so cautious. Down one way was a blonde man, sitting against his wall strumming on a large blue instrument, down the other was a man walking toward me with cards in his hands, flipping them through the air from one hand to the other.

I decided it best to venture out into the open world, vulnerable and unknowing. Suddenly the blonde man looked up, the man with the cards dropped the 52 pieces of paper he was holding, and the other people in the hall stared. "Umm . . . Hi." It was all I cold muster enough courage to say with all the eyes on me.

The card guy shrugged and picked up his cards, walking away. The other guy, they were both blonde really, got up, his instrument dissinigrating as my keys had done. He ran toward me eagerly, shaking my hand before I had the chance to pull away. "Hi I'm Demyx! Are you new here?"

He was acting so childish, I couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah. My name is Roxas." I watch as Demyx's smile grew wider, as he grabbed my hand, pulling me away from my room. "Wh-where are we going?"

Demyx pulled him along into the commoner's room. "You have to meet everybody." This room was more crowded today than it was last night. On the couch was a man leaning back to face me, though his face was upside down. He had bright green eyes and bright red hair.

At the table eating breakfast was a man with long blonde hair and the card man I'd seen earlier. Behind them, leaning on a wall was a tall man eating a bagel. Demyx pointed to each of them and told me their names. In order by appearance were Axel, Luxord, and Xaldin. None of them really seemed to like me. Except Demyx . . . who seemed to have the most talkative nature of any of them.

"There's also Saix who's probably with Xemnas. But you don't have to worry about him." Demyx continued to smile, despite the blank look I gave him. "There used to be more but they're all gone now."

"They deserved to go." The red-haired man spoke up. "They were nothing but traitors." And with that statement Demyx made a face, sticking his tongue out at the back Axel's head, to which I couldn't help but laugh a little. I was surprised to see Axel jump up from his seat after that however, walking toward me and towering above me because of his height. "The name's Axel kid. A-x-e-l. Got it memorized?"

I nodded. It wasn't that hard to remember a four-letter name. "I'm Roxas."

"What's your element?" He asked, which confused me. My element? Obviously he noticed how puzzled I was at his question. "Wow. You really are new. Well mine is fire. Mullet Man here is water." He said, patting Demyx on the shoulder. "You'll have an element soon enough."

"Come on Axel, let the kid relax for a little before you confuse him."Demyx grabbed my hand again, pulling me away from the redhead.

This was getting really annoying. . . I don't enjoy being pulled everywhere I go, so I pulled my hand from his. "Stop dragging me everywhere!"

I guess I hurt his feelings, because he gave me these huge puppy dog eyes and a pouty lip. "B-but...I just wanted to show you around."

"That doesn't mean you have to drag me everywhere. Listen, let me look around by myself for a bit." Before he could object I ran away. That guy got annoying really fast.

I walked down the hallway slowly, trying to memorize every turn, every corridor. Right. Conference room, game room, cafeteria, and kitchen. Left, filing room, computer room, and lab. Turn down the hall. Bedrooms. Turn again...when did it get so hot in here?

I turned to the door on my left. Training room 2. _This hallway is burning up._ All the heat was radiating from that room. Curious, I slowly opened the door. As soon as the white door cracked open, I was enveloped in an almost unbearable heat. And he was the cause of it. What was his name...Axel

He stood in the center of dancing flames, grasping a circular weapon in each hand. I looked for his enemy. Small shadows crept along the floor. As he destroyed one of the creatures, I realized that they were holograms, but as the small dark figure I'd later find to be called a heartless pizelated away, I couldn't draw my eyes and my mind away from the flames.

The orange and red hues were imprinting themselves in my brain, and I couldn't look away. It was until the redhead whispered in my ear that I had realized that his training session was over.

"Aren't they beautiful?"

I nearly jumped out of my skin as his words reached my ear, his hot breath sending goosebumps down my neck. Stepping back, I looked up at him.

"So that's what you meant when you said fire was your element."

He stood up straight, laughing huskily. "Yeah, I'm a pyro. I have chakras too though, so I don't completely depend on my magic." As he finished off the statemnt he summoned his weapons to his hand. "What's your weapon?"

I thought hard, but once again I couldn't remember. I shrugged, looking slowly away, finally giving up on remembering anything. Suddenly two warm hands were on my shoulder, his mouth next to my ear once again.

"Relax," he said, "just concentrate on your hands. Concentrate on fighting. Your weapon will come to you."

Closing my eyes, I took Axel's advice, relaxing. I thought hard, my hands soon holding to weapons. It took me a second before I opened my eyes, hearing the pyro's voice before I realized I had actually summoned anything.

"No way!" He looked at the two excessively large keys in my hands before looking back at me. "You're the keyblade wielder?" He picked up my entire arm, looking over the key in my right hand.

"Keyblade?" He lost me again...

"Yeah..." He dropped my arm suddenly, taking me by surprise. "You don't know about the keyblade?"

I shook my head, dropping my hands and allowing them to fade away from my grasp. He smirked at me before ruffling my hair. "Cute, Blondie. You don't know anything about the strongest weapon in the universe?" He took my chin between his thumb and the curl of his index finger as I shook my head again. "You, my friend, have a lot to learn." He let go as a voice came over a speaker in the ceiling.

"Attention! Every organization member is to report to the conference room immediately for a welcoming of the newest member. By order of Superior."

Axel turned away, walking down the hall. "Time for your formal welcoming, Newby."

And with that he left me standing there, slightly red-faced and confused. My feet finally decided to work with me as I started down the hall to my welcoming meeting. As I finally decided to myself that I was dead and this was the afterlife, I thought more on the subject. _Is this heaven?_ I thought, _Or hell?_

_**Note:** This is my first Kingdom Hearts fic like I said...so please tell me all the good bad and uglies of this chapter before I go on. I want to fix the wrongs, improve the rights and make it alllll better. Please and thank you!_

_Meryl is so lucky..._


	2. No Regret

1_**Note:**I loved the feedback I got from all of you. Thank you SO much for the wonderful reviews. As a reward, and a future hope for reviews, here is the second perk of being nobody._

**No Regret**

_Axel's Point of View_

I don't know what it was about that kid, but he caught my interest. I mean, he wields the keyblade, but he intrigued me before that. Roxas. From the moment that the blonde boy stepped into the room, I knew there was something about him that made him different that the other members of the organization. His weapon wasn't what it was...

When I sat down in my numbered chair across from Demyx, I looked around the room briefly. There sat the five people in their correct spots, with the exception of Newby, who'd yet to arrive. In the seats left open were the numbers of the previous members who'd betrayed us and those who were too weak to defend the rest of the organization. Though the empty seats looked slightly depressing, with the numbers still engraved in them, the weaklings deserved to go.

The six pairs of eyes, including my own, turned as the newest member walked through the door. His awkward silence expressed how shy he really was, as he looked around the room. As he found and sat in the chair number XIII, a few whispers floated around the room. All was silenced, however, as number one entered the room, followed by his faithful right hand nobody, Saix. At that very moment, every member of the organization became mute.

Xemnas stood at the head of the table, that smug grin playing on his lips. "Roxas." The blonde boy jumped at the sound of his own name, causing me to stifle a laugh. "Stand."

Doing as he was told, Roxas stood, nervous obviously, at his seat. Xemnas gave a menacing smirk as he gazed down at the rest of us. "Roxas is number XIII." He said. "The Key of Destiny."

Whispers and mumbles invaded the room, causing Roxas to gain a more sheepish expression. Suddenly Luxord stood angrily.

"You have got to be kidding me!" He slammed his fist against the table. "This brat is the keyblade master?! Impossible."

Xemnas remained calm, telling the gambler to sit. "I'm not mistaken. Roxas. Show them."

Roxas looked scared now. He eyed me with an expression just screaming "help me." I gave him a calm smile and mouthed the word "relax." He sighed, closing his eyes again, but still not completely relaxing. He stood for a moment, looking kind of stupid really, before finally muttering. "I can't."

The two words that left his mouth slightly angered me. He could, and I knew he could. He'd just summoned the keyblade only ten minutes prior to the meeting. I sighed. He was more difficult than I thought.

Before I knew it, Xemnas had struck Roxas against the wall with a bolt of thunder. I stood, as well as Demyx, wanting to know what the hell was going on. Demyx realized soon after I did that Xemnas was trying to get the keyblades to appear by force.

Roxas fell to the floor, groaning in pain. I almost felt sorry for the kid. He stood back up, with a look of guilt on his face, as if he believed that was his punishment for not summoning the keyblades. His eyes looked breifly at me in another cry for help that tugged on something inside of me, but I ignored it. There was no standing up against Xemnas.

Xemnas walked over and picked Roxas up by the collar of his black cloak. Roxas went limp, almost giving up before there was a light shining in his fist. With a flash, two keyblades were in his hands once again. I smirked, hiding it from Xemnas and Saix, but still happy that the boy had done it without getting hurt worse. Xemnas smirked too, putting Roxas down gently.

Mumbles and whispers reappeared as the members looked at the keyblade. Saix stood in his place next to Xemnas, who had returned to his place at the head of the table. Demyx was smiling and poking Roxas as if the boy wasn't real. Luxord was in awe, as were the other members staring at Blondie, who was still standing with an expression of both guilt and physical pain.

I stayed in my seat, hoping that the less people, the better for him. Besides that, I'd already seen them before anyone else. I looked back at numero uno and asked him, "What's his element?"

The room was silent once again, all eyes turned to Xemnas. Who shrugged. "Why don't you find out, Axel. And report to me with your results." The eyes moved from Xemnas to me. I didn't care, but the large blue eyes from blondie, were more scared now than ever. I tried to give him a comforting smile, but Demyx stopped me.

"Can I train with him too, sir?"

Xemnas' smirk faded. "No. This is Axel's job. Not yours. After all, he knows the boy better than anyone else, right?" He turned back to me.

I laughed nervously as Demyx gave me that damn pouty glare. "Haha, yeah. I've talked to him a little."

"Then it's settled. Axel, train with Roxas until his element is revealed. Demyx is not to interfere." With that statement he left the room, Saix still standing.

"Meeting adjourned." And the scarred man followed.

In all honesty, I was so damn happy that Demyx wasn't allowed to bother me during training. Perky bastard always annoyed me. I turned back to Roxas and finally gave him the smile that he was hoping for. He smiled back, and something inside me shook again, but I didn't let it show. I stood, grabbing the boy by the arm. "Training time." And we left the room, heading back down the hall to the training quarters.

"Um...Axel?"

I turned to him as we walked, meeting his innocent eyes. "Yeah?"

Roxas looked down, as if embarrassed. "What...what are we?"

I stopped. _Xemnas really didn't tell the boy anything..._ Looking back up at the ceiling I thought on how to word it right. "We're nobodies...that's about it. We are a hollow body of nothing. The waste of a heartless's prey."

"Heartless?"

I laughed. This kid was kind of dumb even for a new nobody. "Okay. A heartless is a creature from the shadows that steals hearts from humans. We are the souls and bodies they leave behind."

He nodded but still looked confused.

"We are nobodies. Remember that. We have no hearts, no emotions, nothing. We are shunned from the light and the dark, and we are completely hollow inside."

He looked saddened at my answer, and then shrugged. "That's why I feel so empty."

My smirk fell as I touched his shoulder. "I'm not going to lie to you, Kid. You never get used to it."

He nodded, and looked back up with me with a hollow smile before walking forward, I followed. "Ready to unleash your element?"

He looked back at me with those hopeful blue eyes of his and smiled. "Lets go." And we did.

As we entered Training Room 3, I summoned my chakras. "Pull out your keyblades."

He took a deep breath, relaxing his whole body and summoned the keys quickly. How was he able to relax so easily around me? I shrugged, it didn't matter. "I'll take it easy on you at first, okay?"

He nodded, getting into, I guess was, his fighting stance, causing me to fall backwards laughing. His legs were shakey, his toes pointed at each other, his arms two feet from his body.

"Hey! What's so funny?" He looked at me with an angry pout.

"You!" I rolled with laughter before standing up. "Look." I took his stance almost exactly, causing him to laugh. "That's what you were doing!"

"I was not!" He laughed, tears forming in his eyes as he wiped them away.

I stood straight and laughed again. "Yes you were! Now...this is how you stand." I figured he could use my same stance since we both had two weapons. I curved my back, spreading my legs out and digging my toes into the floor. I spread my arms out a little and gripped my chakras, my arm relaxed from the elbow up.

Mimicking me, he stood in the same position, looking down at his own feet and arms as he did so. "Like this?"

I nodded. "Brace yourself. Are you ready?"

He nodded back, a concentrated expression washing over him. I threw my chakra at him, he dodged. _He can dodge...that's something._ "Attack me."

He ran towards me, his arms going back a little before jumping up in front of me and aiming his blades down at me. I jumped out of the way, grabbing the chakra I had thrown at him. He was pretty good. I decided it best to bump up my game a little if I was going to pull his element out of him. I threw my chakra at him again as he stood from his attack, dodging again by pushing himself up off my chakra. As my weapon started its way back to me, Roxas ran towards me again, this time attacking my front. I pulled up the chakra I had to block the attack and caught the flying chakra on my right, hitting his side with it.

He jumped back, I hadn't hit him hard, and looked at his side. No cut, but there would be a bruise later, I knew. "Ow!"

I laughed at him and braced my chakras again. This time I ran to him, throwing my left chakra half way before I reached him, shoving him down I grabbed my right chakra and slammed it against his arm, trapping his left arm to the ground. As my other weapon returned, I trapped his left arm as well.

"Hey! No fair!!" His keyblades disappeared.

"All is fair in love and war!" I smirked. Standing up from my previous position of straddling him. I summoned my fire, surrounding us in it and closing it in on him. "Now would be a good time to have a counter element, no?"

Roxas kicked and fought against the chakras that were pushing his arms against the ground. "Axel stop!! I don't have an element!"

"You do! You just have to let it out!" I yelled back over the roaring flames that were getting closer. I could see the sweat on his body as the flames pushed ever closer to him, singeing his fingers.

Roxas screamed out in pain. "Damn it!!" _Haha he swore._That was an odd thought, I know. But at the time it amused me. "Stop!!" He screamed again before my flames were pushed back to the wall and gone, a bright flash of light almost blinding me as my chakras faded as well. He stood up, panting.

I smirked, squinting as the light faded back to a normal brightness. "Your element," I said, "is light."

* * *

_**Note:** Yes, I updated less than a week later. If you've read any of my other fics you'd be proud of me. I am. I have some ficcies that haven't been updated in about three months. I am so saddened at that. But Kingdom Hearts was calling out and I had to respond to it!! I had to make the AkuRoku part of my heart happy!! I had to! _

_Okay so if you don't know by now, this story is going to alternate between point of views in a chapter. Roxas was chapter 1, Axel was chapter 2. Roxas will be in chapter 3. If you don't like this, I'm sorry but PLEASE KEEP READING! I hope my next chapter will be up next week. Wish me luck and don't forget to review please!! _

_Meryl is so lucky..._


	3. No Anger

_**Note:** Okay, so last time I waited all weekend for reviews and got...one. I was very sad. Please review this chapter. I understand that on Friday and Saturday last week that chapter two was cut off at the bottom from about halfway down through even the review button, so please comment a lot on this chapter. Please and thank you!_

**Roxas' Point of view**

"Light?" I was still panting. "What the hell kind of element is light?"

He laughed at me, which only angered me more. What was so funny? I shot him a glare, at which he laughed again. "Light is a great element... Compared to others." He wiped a tear from his eye. "Especially when dealing with heartless that feed off of darkness."

I would have been more comforted if he wasn't still chuckling when he said this. As he finally finished laughing, he saluted.

"Well I'm off!" And he waved.

"Where are you going?"

He smirked at me again, that was becoming his trademark expression. "You heard Xemnas." he said, "I have to report to him and tell him what your element is."

I frowned. I had kind of hoped that we were going to train some more. "So training's over?"

He smiled at me, ruffling my hair. "For now. It won't take long." Turning away, he waved. "Besides, you're pretty good already, Roxas. Not much more training is needed." As he closed the door, he yelled a 'see ya' and I smiled. I was proud of myself. Though I couldn't control completely when I summoned my keyblades, I could fight with them. And on top of all that, I had an element. Light.

* * *

The next training session was the next day. This time, however, instead of training against each other, we trained with each other in training room 2 against the holographic heartless. He was a great partner not only to train with, but just to hang out with, really. As we destroeyed the heartless one by one, we talked about the other members and their elements.

"Saix?" I said, slicing a shadow in half.

He laughed. "The moon."

I stopped, just after smashing another heartless. "That's not an element!"

Laughing again, he attacked what I'd learned to be called an air soldier. "Very true."

Shrugging, I continued my assault on the holograms. "Okay. Luxord."

"Time."

"He can control time?"

"To an extent, yes." He was so damn calm about it. Maybe it was because he was used to it.

I tried a different attack. Spinning, I held my keyblades out so to attack every heartless in a ten foot diameter. As I caught my breath--and attempted to let a temporary dizzy spell wear off-- I aksed about another member. "Xigbar."

He decided on a break as well, cutting off the holograms and sitting on the floor next to me. "Space."

"As in...?"

He laughed again, a sound I was growing slowly accustomed to. "As in, not only can he sometimes defy gravity, but he can change his battlefield."

I shrugged, smirking. "Half of these 'elements,'" I said, "aren't really elements at all."

He looked at me, smirking. "You're right. My element, however, is an actual element."

"Demyx's too. Where is air and lightning?" I laughed and his smirk fell, causing me to shut up.

Looking down at the floor, he responded. "Thunder is dead."

They must have been one of the traitors he'd mentioned when I first met Axel. Or just weak. But still.. "Did you like them?"

He gave me an empty laugh, which made my chest ache. "I hated her. Kind of..." he sighed. "I don't know. We got along well...until I found out she was working with Marluxia in trying to overthrow Xemnas."

My eyes widened. "Who was Marluxia?"

He laughed again, regaining some spirit as he told my in a girly voice, "The Graceful Assassin." Through his amusement he finally told me, "His element...was flowers!"

I fell over, howling in laughter. That was when I found pride in saying my element was light. As our chuckling calmed I had to wonder. "So I'm the Key of Desitiny...does every have a name like that?"

He nodded. "I am known as the Flurry of Dancing Flames."

I smiled. It suited him. "What about Xemnas. Does he have one?"

"Nope. He's just...the Superior. And before you ask, his element is nothingness."

"Axel! Roxas!" Xemnas's voice rang over the speaker. "I need to speak with both of you immediately." The two of you immediately."

The two of us stood. "Yes sir!"

* * *

"You two seem to work well together." Xemnas stated from his chair. "So, on Roxas' first mission, Axel, you two are partners."

Axel smiled, as did I, silently thanking whoever was looking over me for not pairing me with Xaldin. Or Demyx for that matter. The past three days were enough to have quickly shown me that meal time is enough time to spend with the hyperactive blonde.

"Your mession begins now. An intruder has entered the world." My smile fell. "He's not a nobody. You two are to destroy him."

I nodded and Axel turned, leaving. I followed through the portal Axel had made.

* * *

Axel seemed more relaxed than I ws. Scratch that...he _was _more relaxed than I was. Luckily I had learned how to contol my keyblades or else my stress level wouldn't let me even attempt to summon them.

The red head next to me kept telling me to calm down, that it was probably just a shadow, but I was still shakey. It was my first mission and I wanted it to go perfectly. Damn...I was acting like it was a first date...

"Calm down, Rox. You're gonna have a--"

The sound of someone running stopped him. Grabbing my arm, he pulled me to run along with him, both of us following the footsteps.

Down this alley and that we ran, soon seeing a dark figure running. Axel threw one of his chakras, only for it to be easily dodged and return to Axel's hand. The figure turned around, revealing to us that he was blindfolded before Axel threw both chakras at him, but he dodged the first and shot the other one away with a dark sword and running off again. Axel told me to chaise him, tht he had to find his other chakra, but he was holding his side. The pyro wouldn't let me see, but it certainly convinced me to go find the coward.

By the time I caught back up to the shadowy figure, he was on top of a building. Before I knew it I was surrouned by shadows. Already pissed that my only friend was hurt, I destroyed them, or most of them, before looking at the now unhooded figure. He was still blindfolded, his silver hair wet from the rain.

Running up the tower, I mimicked Axel, throwing the keyblade I'd known as Oblivion. The figure dove from the building, catching oblivion and landing safely on the ground. "Why?! Why do you have the keyblade?!"

Why did I have the keyblade? What kind of question was that? He attacks my friend, invades our world and asks me about why I have a damn weapon? "Shut up." I could feel the disgust in my own voice as the words came out. I drew my other keyblade back, aiming to kill. as I brought the Oathkeeper down--or up rather-- the stranger dodged, dropping Oblivion and running away. I started to chase after him before I remembered..Axel.

Panting, I made it back to my friend. He was still holding his side, crawling on the ground as if looking for something. "Are you okay?" I couldn't help but ask.

He grunted. "The bastard broke my chakra." He held up the ring, showing me that it was missing two blades. "I can fix it if I can find the parts that flew off." Groaning in pain, he fell back against the wall of a building.

"Sit still. I'll find them." He was about to protest but I was already looking. "Be still," I repeated. It took me less than ten minutes to find the first blade. I handed it back to him so he could put it on his chakra as I searched for the other.

After about thirty minutes of hunting down through the alley and the area around it, I fell into a sitting position next to Axel. "I can't find it."

He sighed, then screamed in pain. Jumping in horror, I moved his hand, which was soaked in blood. "I think..." he said panting, "I think I found it..."

My eyes widened. It couldn't be...could it? "How?" was all I managed to say.

A painful smirk washed across his face, which was becoming pale. "I don't know...but it has to come out."

He unzipped his cloak, letting the sides fall. With my help, he managed to remove his shirt as well. I leaned over, examining the wound for myself. It was red and puffy, dripping with blood. Picking up his shirt off the ground, I carefully dabbed at it, trying to see it clearly. As some of the crimson was wiped away, in spite of his grunts of pain, I started to see a hint of gray. I ran my finger across it lightly. _There it is. _I knew it had to come out, but I was scared. I pushed my finger into him, grabbing on to the blade. His loud scream of agony broke something inside of me.

I looked up at him, his pale faced drenched in sweat and tears. "Breathe in." he did, holding it. "When I count to three...exhale." seeing his nod, I braced myself. "One...two...three." And I pulled. My eyes squeezed shut, his scream clouding my brain. He was panting hard as the blade lay drenched in Axel's blood in my hand.

"Damn...that hurt." He laughed shakily, his eyes still closed. "If..." he breathed hard, quivering. "If I open a portal...can you help me back to the castle?"

Nodding, I picked up his shirt, placing it against the wound below his ribs. "Hold this here." He did, grunting as I helped him to his feet. He opened a portal with what seemed to be almost the last bit of his strength. Most of his weight was on me as I carefully led him through the darkness into a white bedroom.

I carefully laid him down on the bed. "Where are the medical supplies?" Too late. He'd passed out on the bed. Deciding it best to let the pyro slee, I left, closing the door behind me, and searched for help.

For once, I was glad to see Demyx wandering the hall. "Demyx." He practically skipped over to me with his trademark grin. "Axel's hurt. Where's a first-aid kit or something?"

This was the first time I'd seen Demyx frown, besides a fake pout. "Where is he?" After leading him back to Axel's room, he asked what happened.

"Xemnas sent us to stop an intruder. Axel through a chakra and the enemy broke it. This flew into his side." I showed him the blade and he grimaced.

"Vexen used to take care of this..." He walked over to the desk and pulled out a box. Pulling a chair next to Axel, he took the shirt from his side away. "I'm just going to clean it." He pointed at the wound on my friends side, a small amount of water emerging from the tip of Demyx's finger. The water slowly entered the cut in Axel's skin, Demyx seemed to be concentrating hard on what he was doing, finally the water came back out. Now it was stained pink, with small spots of dirt in it as well as something that looked like early infection.

He dropped the water in the trash can next to him before grabbing some bandages from the first aid box and carefully placing them on Axel's side. "Let him sleep now. Stay in here and don't let him roll over on to this side." I nodded, taking the blonde's place beside my brightly haired companion. "If you need me I'm in my room."

Waving him off, I tore my eyes from the closed door, back to the redhead beside me. So much for a perfect first mission.

_**Note:** Like I said, I want a lot of reviews from this chapter. I was going to wait until Friday to post this but...I couldn't. I was soooooooo anxious to put it up. I am already working on chapter 4 and the fluffy will be large. Well...larger than it has been. Later!_

_PLEASE REVIEW!!_

_Meryl is so lucky..._


	4. No Feelings

_**Note:** Thanks for the love! Now I'm going to work hard on typing up this prewritten chapter in attempt of NO TYPOS! It's probably not going to happen...but I'm gonna try..._

**No Feelings**

I woke up, ignoring the pain in my side, and snuggled closer to the figure in my arms. Foggy minded, I smiled as the warm body grunted sleepily. I inhaled deeply, savoring the scent breifly before finally waking myself up. My eyes jerked open... Who the hell was I spooning?!

I jumped, then yelled in pain. I had twisted and irritated my side. The boy in my arms fell out of the bed with an 'ow.' I moved slowly, looking at the culprit at the side of my bed. "What the hell, Roxas?!"

He grinned, his face bright with embarassment. "Well uh...You did it!"

"I did it? I was asleep!"

The blonde boy stood, rubbing his butt where he fell. "Well, um...you see...Demyx said not to let you roll onto your bad side."

"So you snuggled in my arms when I was on my good side?"

"You tried to roll over and I was trying to stop you. When I pulled you onto your back, you pulled me into the bed!"

I glared at him. "And you fell asleep?"

He stared down at his feet, uncomfortable. I heard him mutter something, but I didn't know what. "Well?" I said, an obvious irritation in my voice.

"I was comfy!" If possible, his face got redder. Mine was probably red, too. "I didn't...mean to..."

To be honest...I was comfortable waking up like that, too. I turned away, unable to say anything to him.

He sat down on the other side of the bed. I was surprised when his cold hands touched my side, but I held in a gasp. He was only checking the cut. "Does it still hurt?"

"Just a little." I winced as his finger ran across the wound lightly. He looked back up at me, his eyes making me shiver inside. "Why does Demyx know?"

As he rebandaged my side, he whispered, "You were hurt...I didn't know what to do." The tone in his voice shocked me. It sounded as if he'd actually cared. Nobodies didn't care, though. It wasn't part of a nobody's capabilities. But it sounded like he did. "He cleaned it up and bandaged it. I stayed here to make sure you were okay."

I looked away again, unable to even face him this time. "Thanks." As his hands withdrew themselves from my skin, I felt a tickle in my stomach.

"I guess I'll be back in a second. I'm going to go get breakfast. "Do you want anything?" I nodded, then listened as he closed the door.

For five seconds I sat in silence before I fell forward in a heavy sigh. "What's wrong with me?" I held my head in my hands. My chest tickled, my face was hot...and I wanted him back here. I wanted to go back to when I woke up with him in my arms and just lay there, my nose buried in his blonde hair. "What the hell is wrong with me?" This time I whispered it, asking myself the same thing over and over in my mind.

I heard a soft thumping of footsteps approach my door and I regained my normal composure. A knock. "Axel?"

"What, Demyx?" I made sure my voice expressed every ounce of irritation.

He peeked his blonde head inside and looked over at me. "Are you okay?"

I growled in annoyance. "I'm fine. You can go now."

Yet of course, since Demyx was who he was, he took this as "Come in" and walked through the door over to my bed.

"Let me see it." He said, sitting down in the chair Roxas had previously occupied.

I glared at him again. "Roxas has already looked at it."

Despite this arguement, the sitar player leaned over to remove the bandage. "Roxas won't know if it's getting better or worse. That's why he told me to come check on you."

"Roxas asked you to check on me?" I could feel that my eyes were wide open, but I didn't attempt to hide it.

"Told me." Demyx corrected, looking carefully beneath the gauze. "He didn't give me a choice. I said you'd be fine and he threatened me." I laughed a little, as did he, before continuing. "You've tainted him, Axel."

I smiled, proud of myself. "How's it look, Dem?"

"Good. Clean and healing. You'll be good enough to train by next week if you don't over do it."

"Good." He bandaged me up with new gauze and tape. "Where's Roxas off to?"

He laughed to himself before responding. "He's waiting outside."

Making sure the boy outside could hear my laughter, I called for him. "Roxas! Get your ass in here!"

I listened as I heard the thump of someone tripping, followed by the hastily awkward entrance of the youngest nobody. "Uh...yeah?"

"You ordered Demyx to help me?" I smirked, even more so when he blushed brightly. "How sweet, you were worried about me!"

He got even redder when I reached over, slightly painfully, to grab his arm and give him an eccentric hug. "L-let go!!" I gave him a knuckle rub to his head and let him go, smiling at him.

He smiled back at me, the blush still on his cheeks...and my chest pounded. I ignored it though, still watching him smile. Demyx tapped me on the shoulder, pulling me out of my thoughts. "You're fine. I'm out!" And he waved.

"Later!" I said, slightly happy to have the pest as a friend after all. I patted the seat Demyx had been sitting in. "Come sit here Roxas. Don't just stand there."

"Well um..." he gave me an awkward look, "I still have to get your food."

"Nah, I'm not hungry any more." To be honest...I just wanted him there. I still didn't know why, but I didn't care why. I just knew what I wanted at that moment..and it was for him to be there.

Sitting down in the seat next to me, he smiled again, the blush fading. "So you're gonna live?" He laughed, making the pit of my stomach flutter.

"Yeah." I laughed awkwardly. That boy was changing me. I didn't know how, but he was. "And you were worried about me?"

He nodded shyly. "You're my best friend. I don't want you to be hurt." His blue eyes had something in them...some sort of emotion that shouldn't have been there. No emotion should have been there, but especially not the one I saw there. His hand moved and set it self on top of mine. I couldn't stand the feeling in my chest. My face became so hot and when I looked up at him he just smiled. "You can never die, okay?"

And for the first time...I wanted to cry. I nodded though, trying to supress the feelings over coming me. I wasn't supposed to feel though! It didn't make sense! I tried to look away, but my eyes were caught at his smile and I wanted to move my hand but it felt so perfect in his. I wanted to tell him he was acting stupid but my throat was tight and I couldn't talk at all. My hand seemed to move on it's own, intertwining our fingers together. He was bright red again, and I knew I was too. I didn't care though. I loved the feeling. I felt so vulnerable but only to him. I felt like...he was everything. Some how...I felt like I had a heart. And it was beating. It was only there when he was...and I wanted him to have a heart too.

I gripped his hand and he looked at me slightly confuse. "What's wrong?"

As much as I wanted to answer him, I couldn't. I couldn't say anything, but I was thinking all of my answers. _My feelings...I feel for you! It's impossible!! What have you done to me? What is this feeling? I don't know what's wrong with me! I think...I think that I love._ My eyes widened at my own thought. Love?? Okay, having emotions was one thing, but loving? It wasn't possible. Not to mention...Roxas was a guy.

He rubbed his thumb over mine and I fell back into my feelings for him. I didn't care. I shouldn't love him, but I did. I shouldn't feel, but I did. What has this boy done to me? What did he do or say or conjure to make me feel this way? And why did I like it so much? It felt so good, but so bad at the same time. It made me feel so happy but so sad. I wanted to hold him, but I didn't want to. It was like...blissful confusion.

After about thirty more seconds of holding his hand, I pulled away and looked at the wall opposite of him. "Axel?" His voice tore me into so many peices. Everything he did made my chest flutter. "Are you okay."

Finally I found my ability to whisper. "I'm wonderful." I laughed lightly as I said it. My hand was tingling from the lack of his warmth over it. I fought the urge to pull him in the bed and snuggle with him again. This time I wouldn't kick him out, but this time...there was no this time. "I'm just...still tired."

"Then go to sleep." I didn't want to! I didn't want to be asleep I wanted to stay up and talk to him! I didn't care if I was sleepy. I didn't care! "I'll be here when you wake up."

That did it. Finally I admitted it to myself. _God, I love him. _And then I did cry. I snuggled down into my bed...and I cried. "Axel?" I was smiling, but he couldn't see it because my face was in my pillow. "Axel are you crying?" I shook my head.

"No." I said, hiding sob that threatened to push its way from my throat. "My side hurts all of the sudden." I lied. "And it's hard to sleep when someone else is in here." Wait...why did I say that?

I heard him get up. "Okay." he sounded so sad... "I'll come back to check on you later, okay?" I knew then that I definately could not look at him. If I did I would have held him and cried to him. And though the thought was so tempting, I couldn't. So I nodded in my pillow and listened at the door closed.

Clenching my pillow, I turned my head to the side, looking at the door. I repeated the same phrase that was running through my head the entire day. "What the hell is wrong with me?"

_**Note:** I am kinda cool with this chapter. I looove some parts, but others not so much. I did it though. I might go back and fix this later...but I hope there is no typos. I read over it. Twice. So I guess I'll hope for the best! My goal besides no typos in this chapter, was for people to get goosebumps or at least have a little quiver from the fluff. Nope, no "snogging" yet. And next, Roxas's chapter!! With just as much, if not MORE fluff. This was the fluffcentric chapter thus far though. I would have been able to make it better, but a girl I know is in the hospital and I've been worried about her. She was in a car accident with her best friend. And her friend died at 17. If you are religious, keep these girls in your prayers. If not, think of them. I salute them!_

_Enough of a pity trip now. Please review or do something to know that you like this chapter please and thank you. If you see any typos, point them out to me. Later!_

_Meryl is so lucky..._


	5. No Loving

_**Note: **I'm sooo sorry I didn't update last week. I've had a temporary block. SOWWY! I hope this makes up for it...I haven't started on it yet considering I'm writing this note right now...but I might do some snogging in her. Yup I said it...a kiss. Maybe. If you're lucky...if I'm lucky. I hope...well ON WITH IT THEN!

* * *

_

**No Loving**–Roxas's POV

I stayed by his side the entire day, talking, and keeping away from the seemingly awkward moments when the red-head couldn't look at me. Much to my surprise, Axel was back on his feet the very next day, and back in the training room the following week just as Demyx had predicted. Against Axel's stubbornness, however, I made sure that we started out slow, on level 20, where as before we were on a level 32 at least. Though he was mostly healed, I didn't want to risk his wound re-opening. As he gained strength, however, we started back to fighting each other again, his flames against my light, and his chakra versus my keyblades.

It was a month after my first mission, and I'd had three other missions in that time, that he was at full potential again. By that time, I'd grown quite fond of the pyro. He was far beyond my best friend. But I couldn't explain my feelings for him even in my mind. They were far beyond those of a friend, but not like that of a brother. It was hard to put into words.

I think when I finally decided the perfect word to put for it, I was training with him. He was back to his full potential, and now we were actually on level 36. We were in Training Room 3, his flames encircling us, making me sweat, but not at all bothering my opponent. The flames, I noticed, suited his statuesque form and his bright hair. His green eyes glowed with the dancing orange glow. He leapt towards me, throwing his weapons to his sides and fighting me hands on. I dodged his kicks but he threw me down as a chakra came back to his hand.

I looked up at him, starting to jump back up before he attempted to tackle me. Kicking him off of me, I spun onto my feet and gazed–now down–at him. I smirked, by now I had accomplished making my own tough Organization battle grin. Thanks to Demyx and Axel, I had also learned a few magic spells as well. Such as one that I loved to use against the pyro that was currently lying on the floor, helpless. "Watera!"

As his flames died, his hair became drenched in a spray of water. He glared up at me like he was a wet dog. "That is so cheating."

Laughing I pointed at him. "Magic is not cheating, or every fight with you would be cheating Mr. Every Battle Needs A Fire Battle Ground."

"I'm a pyro! What else should I do?"

"I don't know. But I don't blind people in every battle!" I laughed again, his glare baring into me and tickling me in a way. His hair was sticking to the sides of his face, which was covered in drops of water, making him look more tired than he probably was, and he was still laying on the ground, bracing on his arms looking up at me. "So did I win?"

"I told you," he said, smirking, and yeah his was better than mine, too. "I don't completely depend on my magic." And with that he jumped above me, hovering ever so shortly before tackling me to the ground in my moment of surprise. He pinned me down to the ground, his hands wrapped around my forearms roughly. Looking up at him, my eyes locked into his bright green ones. I turned over, now pinning him to the ground. Unfortunately, hand on fighting was not my strong point and was not something I practiced, so when turning over, instead of holding him down, I was just sort of straddling him.

He gave me a suggestive look and I backed off, my face heating up. When I looked back at him, he was still staring at me as if I didn't notice him. When he saw I was looking at him too, he turned away, shaking his hair so that the loose water came out. "Damn...It's too wet for me to summon any fire. And I'm cold."

"Aww, poor baby." I teased, laughing at him. As I laughed, he glared.

Snapping his fingers by his face, he smiled. "I guess I'll just get rid of these wet clothes then, right, Roxy?" What? Before I could respond, he threw his cloak off, revealing the tight fitting pants he wore, and his bare upper torso.

I'd seen his chest before when he was injured, but seeing him then, battle ready, was completely different. My eyes ran over the muscles along his chest and stomach, then to the scar that rested less than an inch below his ribs on his left side. I didn't even realize that I was memorizing every part of his body until my eyes locked with his, and I felt my cheeks heat up and I looked away.

"You like, Rox?" He was laughing lightly at me. I was distracted, which was a bad mistake when engaged in combat with a maniacal pyromaniac like I was. Before I had the time to respond, he was behind me just like the day we met, his mouth next to my ear. "Do you have my body...memorized?"

My body quivered uncontrollably and I could sense how bright I was. In a reflex movement, I elbowed him in the stomach, causing him to lose his breath and step backwards, smirking at me in that "you got me" style. "The fight is still on, remember?" I said, trying to regain my composure.

He laughed. "Right." and he dove for me again. I dodged his attack successfully, tripping him and pinning him to the ground in the little straddle move that I had used earlier. This time I didn't care how, but I had pinned him. "You give up yet?"

"Nope." And with that he pushed me against the ground, but his wet hands slipped and he landed on top of me, his chest against my own, his nose touching mine. It was my turn to see him blush, his face turning almost the same shade as his hair, but I could feel that mine was at least that bad.

His eyes were burning into mine, his breath brushing against my lips softly. Neither one of us could move, his arms were still at my side, next to mine, and his legs were still around mine. His chest was pressing against my own and I could feel his breath not only against my face, but as his body rose and fell with each time he inhaled or exhaled. His red hair was brushing against the sides of my face, and before I knew it, I was mesmerized. I watched carefully as his tongue slipped between his lips and slid along them. He started to get up, but I couldn't control myself. I grabbed his neck and pulled him down, roughly. My lips pressed against his and I could sense his surprise before, to my utter disbelief, he began kissing back, his tongue sliding along my lips.

My hand traveled down his back smoothly, feeling along his spine, counting the goose bumps. I opened my mouth to allow his teasing tongue entrance. My body soon heated up quickly, and I pushed my body against his before he pulled back. I panted shortly, his eyes still locked with mine. "I'm sorry." He said, right before running off.

For the second time since I met the pyro, he'd left me blushing and confused. Why had I done that? I'd quickly accepted the fact that I was born–well...kind of born–without emotions. Without a heart. But explain the feelings I had for Axel. Did I like him? Was I seriously gay? Yes. I answered. I was a gay nobody.

I stood slowly, letting what happened fully transfer in my mind. So I was gay...and I had feelings for Axel even though I wasn't supposed to have any emotions whatsoever. This was the epitome of confusion. I placed my hand on my chest, feeling for a beat of any kind. To my displeasure, there was none. The stirring in my chest was not in my heart, seeing as though I had none, but it was there. I placed my head in my hands, laughing as I shook my head. "What's wrong with me?"

Walking out of the training room, I went back to my room, falling back on my bed to reflect on exactly what had happened. The room was silent, and a perfect place to think. But unfortunately I couldn't think on how I developed the ability to feel. The kiss with Axel just replayed over and over in my mind. Each time it did, the chills ran down my body again, my cheeks heated again, and I remembered my longing for more.

More importantly than why I felt that way, I wanted to know why Axel was sorry. He obviously enjoyed it, seeing as though he kissed back, and he shouldn't be sorry for kissing me when I kissed him first. It didn't make sense. If anything, he should have been sorry for leaving me like that.

I felt my lips, they were still swollen from the intensity of it all. I smiled, loving even the memory of it. I didn't care that it was weird in so many ways...I finally admitted the feeling I had for Axel. I knew exactly what it's name was. "I love Axel." I whispered it, just saying it to myself.

Suddenly a feeling of guilt washed over me. I had kissed Axel...what if he was only kissing back because he was caught up in the moment? What if he didn't feel the same way? What if he really didn't feel anything? My chest ached then, and I sighed, putting my arms behind me and relaxing. If he didn't feel anything, why did he blush like that?

We were fighting, maybe it was just that his face was red from being tired.

Why did he stay like that on top of me?

He was embarrassed perhaps.

Why didn't he push me away when I kissed him?

Maybe he didn't want to hurt you.

Why would he care if he has no emotions?

I couldn't think of an answer for that one. Despite all of the questions still lingering in my mind, I decided it best to call it a night. I stood, throwing my cloak to the ground. As I walked past my mirror I stopped, examining my own torso. I was so small. No muscles, no ripples. I was so small and weak. I shrugged again, finally making my way to the bed, throwing my shoes and pants off and laying beneath the blankets.

I closed my eyes, let my mind go as I fell asleep. The last thing I remembered before falling into dreamland, was the look of passion on Axel's face just before I kissed him. That was the look...that I loved.

* * *

_**Note:** Okay was that long enough? I couldn't think of anything else to put. Don't worry there WILL be more of a plotty thingy going on. Probably to show up in...the next Roxas chapter. Which will be umm...chapter 7? This is 5 right? Umm..yeah it is. Okay so chapter 7 I plan on putting a new kind of twist into this. _

_So I got around to the snogging. Well this is my first shounen fic so a guy kiss I kind of put the same way as a straight kiss. It's all love!! Love is always the same! It happens to everyone, gay, straight, bi...love is love, no? Okay so next chappie is Axel again..hmm...I don't think I have any idea what I'm going to do...Okay yeah now I do. _

_Please review and tell me the good bad and uglies! I proof read so there shouldn't be any typos!_

_Meryl is so lucky..._


	6. No Awkwardness

_**Note:** Yeah I liked the last chapter...and now for Axel's take on what happened...no not a recapse...just a umm...after thought made by Axel about it. Yeah that's about it. HERE YA GO!_

* * *

**No Awkwardness- Axel's POV**

He kissed me! The little brat kissed me! I mean sure...I kissed him back but...He kissed me first!! I don't know what I was sorry about though. I mean...I didn't start it so it wasn't my fault it happened. And I definitely didn't regret it. So what was I sorry about? I mean he kissed me. He pulled me down in to that..._wonderful_...liplock. And I...ugh. I ran away. I ran from the emotions that shouldn't have been there in the first place.

I suppose I kind of provoked the instant with the many flirtatious comments...but they were only a joke! Well. Sort of. They were supposed to be to him...but even so, that wasn't a reason to give me a frenchy! Still, though, it's not like I didn't like it. I mean, who wouldn't like their lips pressed against his while his cold hands run along their spine and their tongues toyed with? It was...delicious.

But still...I ran away. I loved it! He obviously didn't care because he didn't say anything and he attacked me...but...I ran. I ran down the hall and into my room to once again lie back on my bed and wonder what the hell was wrong with me.

I had long since accepted the fact that something inside of me was attracted to the blonde...but I couldn't figure out what..or how for that matter. Once again, nobodies do NOT have emotions! And yet every time I saw him I would have goosebumps. Every time I thought about him my cheeks would flush. I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up every time he spoke to me, and when he kissed me my body melted. I wasn't supposed to feel that way. But I did. And it was unexplainable. Unacceptable. Yet uncontrollable.

I stayed in my bed for the rest of the night, even skipping dinner and ignoring Demyx's constant knocks and check ups. I wanted to avoid the world. I wanted to rest. I wanted to replay the scene in my mind again and let the chills run down my back, then figure out what exactly happened to make me feel something. Only when I was around Roxas though. Roxas...made me feel.

In the morning I finally left my room, making my way slowly to the living room and stretching out against the couch. I relaxed and Demyx obviously knew I was in no mood to play with him because after offering me a small 'good morning' he kept to himself. I laid back against the couch, my head falling back, and my body relaxing once more. Soon I had this overwhelming feeling that someone was watching me though, so I opened my eyes, and found them locked with the bright blue eyes I dreamt of each night.

"H-hey Roxy!" I almost jumped out of my seat. I have to say the situation was awkward.

"Good morning." He said softly, blushing. He seemed to do that easily now. It was kind of cute too...wait. WHAT THE HELL?!

We sat for a moment just looking at each other, unsure of what to say. It was the most awkward moments I'd ever experienced by far. And the fact that Demyx and Luxord were staring awkwardly at us as well didn't help. I wanted to stand...I wanted to ignore him...I wanted to do anything but let my eyes just remain locked with his while the other members stared at us.

Finally he broke the silence. "I have patrol duty in an hour...do you want to come keep me company?"

_I know he didn't just say that...please tell me he didn't just say that.._ As I thought back on it a little more I came to the conclusion...he really said that. And I said ... "Sure!"

Damn.

Why did I say that? Either way within the hour I was out...alone...in the street...with Roxas. It was still awkward too. My hands remained in my pockets, my face away from his. I wanted to run again because I had to fight the urge to blurt right there that I felt something for him. I wanted to know the word though. How was he handling this so easily!?

"I'm sorry." His voice stunned me. His words surprised me more, though. Sorry for what? Unfortunately, however, my voice suddenly forgot how to work as he continued to speak. "I shouldn't have forced you into that. And I know you don't...er umm...can't feel anything for me."

I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. He kept on talking. "I don't know how I felt that way. I just...did. It's impossible for nobodies to feel, isn't it? And when I feel my chest, there is no beating! Because I don't have a heart...but I feel something." He sighed and looked up at me with an empty smile that made my insides shatter.

"Rox..." I wanted to finish the sentence...but it was so hard. "You didn't force me to do anything." I laid my hand on his shoulder. "If I wanted to, I could have pulled away...I could have chosen not to be here. But the only thing that was forced on me was that...I can't...you...I.." I couldn't think of the right thing to say. I didn't want to say... I wanted to...tell him something. But I...I was still nervous. Even though I knew that I was trying to say the same as him...the words wouldn't come. "I...I..." I sighed, looking down before looking back at him again.

I was once again met with those big blue eyes. This time, however, they were filled with such a sense of curiosity and innocence that it made him irresistible. I was suddenly over come with such attraction towards the boy, I found myself pushing my head towards his own to close the gap between us. He seemed happily surprised, as was I, as our lips met once again. This time was a lot gentler though, slower.

My lips pressed against his softly, and I soon found myself pushing him against the wall of a nearby building. I kissed his lips over and over, my hands soon finding his and my fingers soon intertwining themselves with the bony fingers of the blonde beneath me. Never once did our tongues meet as we kissed over and over again, soon my kisses making their way across his jaw and back to his lips.

I was unable to control my actions as our hands were pushed against the wall above his head and my lips made their way down his neck again. His heavy breathing only encouraged me to kiss and bite him more as I finally started my way back up to his tempting mouth. After kissing him again on his swollen lips I pulled my hand away and ran my fingers across his them lightly. His eyes looked so desperate for more as I pushed my finger into his mouth. He made a sort of raspy moan as my finger brushed across his tongue and I pulled it out, soon replacing my hand with my mouth, my tongue snaking its way into his mouth.

He moaned into my mouth, sending chills up my spine and I pressed my body against him. "Roxas..." my voice was raspy. "What is this?" I panted and looked down at him.

He looked up at me, his eyes glazed over with an undefined emotion and answered back in his own lust ridden voice. "I don't know...but I like it..." I had to agree, and I kissed his cheek.

I have to admit I could have stayed there forever. Pushed up against him, my lips free to roam his body and my hands placed gracefully on the sides of his face. Never before had the word "love" run across my mind. But even in that moment I was too afraid to say the word out loud. I honestly felt like the world would shatter if the word left my mouth.

In an attempt to resist even whispering the four letters, I kissed the blonde boy again, a bit more roughly than before, my hands running down his sides lightly. I bit his lip lightly as I pulled back again. "We need to stop." I was panting, and my voice wasn't convincing at all.

"I know." He was panting to, his cheeks pink, and his eyes so bright. He was irresistible. He kissed me once more on the lips, chastely, before pulling back, pulling his hands from my sides. I stepped backwards, suddenly embarrassed by my own actions. I was about to say something I didn't even think about before he grabbed my hand. "I have thirty minutes left of patrolling to do." And just like that he was smiling again.

Just like that, I felt my chest beat. I was so surprised at the feeling that I actually jumped and looked down at him again. I felt like...I had a heart. For the first time in my own existence, I felt like I could...well...feel! I felt like...he was my heart. He was everything all of the sudden. Holding tight on to his hand, we walked down the alley way, our fingers intertwined, our bodies separate, but we had a heart. Even if we only shared it, we had one. And that was all that mattered to us.

* * *

From then on, we accompanied each other on every patrolling mission. We hid everything from the other members, and most importantly, from Xemnas. We'd make sure the coast was clear from both nobodies and heartless, and soon either pin or be pinned to a wall while we are kissing or being kissed by the other. It was a remarkable feeling each time, the feeling of having a heart. The feeling of having another.

Roxas was far from my best friend, as I had already mentioned. Never once, until when we first kissed, did I think that we were THIS far from friends, though. I loved him. He was my heart, and I was his. I didn't know how to explain it, but we found our hearts inside of each other. Nothing could ever replace the feeling of his lips on my skin, my lips on his, my hands in his hair, and his fingers on my back. Not even Kingdom Hearts. Still though, the word "love" never left my mouth, but stayed in my mind instead.

One month passed by. Then two. Then three. We became more heated with each interaction. The sneaking around only made things hotter. But we never crossed that fatal line that only humans crossed. We always were tempted to, but never did. It was kind of...an awkward subject that we tried to stay away from.

Finally the day came along that changed everything. It was normal for the most part. Me sneaking into his room for a small make-out session on his bed, then going back to my room before he snuck into mine for the same reason. I had patrol duty, which meant a third make-out. Then we went to dinner and back to our own separate rooms to sleep, but soon finding one of us sneaking to the others room to fall asleep in their arms. This time, Roxas was in mine, which was more common, really.

Suddenly a familiar voice rang over the speaker loudly. It woke the entire palace, even Demyx, from their sleep. "Attention all members! There is an intruder in the world! All members must search and destroy. I repeat search and destroy the enemy! Immediately!" It was Xemnas.

Xemnas wouldn't have sent every member out unless it was extremely important. Such as an enemy that was on its way to the castle or had a lot of reinforcements or just amazingly strong. Either way, he needed all of us at full attention and our full potential. This included Roxas and me as well.

"I repeat there is an intruder in the world. All members must search and destroy. I repeat: Search and destroy the enemy! Immediately!" The words rang repeatedly through the white halls. Search and destroy.

* * *

_**Note:** Yup I updated again! Man I love this. Woohoo for make-out sessions, no? Yup yup they made out against a wall. Still hesitating to put a ermm...-whispers- lemon in this story. I don't know if I ever want them to get to that point or not. Either way, yes, the plot line is coming into play._

_On a side note...no one has said anything about this, but it was bugging me. The reason Roxas was so accepting of his feelings toward Axel was on purpose. Roxas is a new nobody so he isn't as shocked at the whole feeling things deal. Axel has went his whole existence without emotions so this comes as a sort of shock to him. I think I have a few twists and turns left in this story so don't abandon me yet!_

_Reviews are loved by me!_

_Meryl is so lucky..._


	7. No Hesitation

_**Note:** I heart not having Writers block XP_

**No Hesitation-** Roxas's POV

After our cuddle coming to an abrupt end, Axel and I found ourselves in an alleyway, searching for the one responsible for our new foul moods. Axel didn't seem as angry as I was, he seemed more anxious than anything. We'd handled an intruder before, but even I knew that this was different. Xemnas wouldn't have sent us all out unless the alien was a severe threat.

"Maybe we should split up." Since we got out of bed, this was the first he'd spoken and it slightly surprised me. "You know, to cover more ground." He seemed uneasy about his own idea, but we both knew it was for the best.

"Okay." He walked over and kissed me on the lips lightly before running away. I nodded to myself and ran in the opposite direction, clenching my keyblades tightly.

I turned down each street, checking my surroundings carefully each time. I watched the others as I passed them by. Demyx, was taking this with a great deal of caution, slowly sneaking down each alley with water dancers behind him. Luxord was sending his cards down each dark ally to check for the enemy before he ran in. Xaldin would have taken the intruder head on, obviously, because he walked down every corner as if he were invincible.

Saix was only walking and gazing down each alleyway before walking slowly into the darkness. The scarred nobody being out only told me further how serious the enemy was.

Running ahead of them, I turned down an alley that I could check on. I couldn't see what I was doing, so I picked up a stick and held it up. "Fire." I whispered, making a torch for myself. It was a dead end.

I changed directions to leave and move on to the next alley. Unfortunately I bumped into someone and fell back. Looking up, I saw who it was. He had a kind of bandaging on his face and a red cape.

I jumped up in surprise, bracing my keyblades and readying myself to fight.

"Hello Roxas."

I felt my eyes widen. How did he know my name? Who was this guy?

"Call me DiZ. I know a lot about you, keyblade master. Tell me, do you ever wonder why you have that weapon?"

I scowled at him. "What does it matter to you?"

He laughed, which really pissed me off. "You know, you have to have a certain kind of heart to wield a keyblade. You have to have the heart of a loving person and a true friend. But you don't have a heart at all, do you Roxas?"

"Shut up. You don't know me." I could hear the pure disgust in my own voice. "No. I don't have a heart."

He smirked. "Then don't you wonder how you have the weapon that chooses its master by their heart and soul? Because I can tell you. Or rather, show you."

My eyes widened again. "Who are you?"

"That and many other questions will be answered if you come with me."

"Why the hell should I go with you? There has to be some sort of catch."

"You will forget everyone you've met here."

The first image that popped into my head was Axel. How could I forget him? Why would I want to? I didn't want to forget Demyx either. Or even Luxord and Xigbar. "My memories are precious to me."

He nodded. "I don't want to have to take you by force. You are so much like your other." He sighed. "I guess I will have to leave it to her." And he disappeared, leaving me confused. Who is "her?"

I stood up straight, letting my keyblades go as I thought back on what had just happened. I was stunned, and now more curious than ever as to why I had the keyblade. Was it really a weapon that chose my nonexistent heart? Why would I have to lose my memories in order for all of those questions to be answered?

"Roxy?"

I looked up at Axel, surprised that he was there at the time I that needed him the most. He was perfect like that.

"Superior says the intruder left. We can go back to bed now." He focused on me for a second before walking over to me and grabbing my chin so that I was looking up at him. "What's wrong, Rox?"

It wasn't until he said that, that I realized I was crying. His gloved hand reached up and wiped away my tears and I fell forward, hugging him tightly. "I'll never forget you. I promise...never." I was crying into his chest, and he brought his arms around me. My whole body instantly became warmer and I became perfectly calm.

He laid his chin on top of my head and stood holding me. As I stopped crying, I listened to him breathe, and I was suddenly met with a surprisingly peaceful beating in his chest. The more I listened the more I felt the same coming from myself at the same pace and rhythm.

"Axel," I whispered, holding him tightly. "Never let me go..."

His arms around me tightened and he bent his head down to my ear. "Never." He kissed my cheek and whispered again. "I promise."

Never before had I felt it so...perfect. I pushed him back and looked up at him, his green eyes burning into me. They were so full of concern and passion. They melted me inside. I placed my hands on the sides of his face. Without further hesitation, I pushed myself up on my toes to kiss him lightly. I felt as his hands fell down to my lower back and pushed me up toward him. I took that as a sign to deepen the kiss as I pushed him back against an alley wall.

I found his mouth nibbling its way down my neck as my hands wrapped themselves in his hair. I moaned against him as he began kissing me roughly from my open collar bone back up to my lips. I kissed him hard, my hands running down his sides and down his hips. I wanted...no...needed more. I needed...everything. And I wanted him to know that.

Grinding my hips against his, I listened as he let out a low moan. I pushed myself up to his ear and bit his earlobe lightly before whispering huskily, "I need you..."

He groaned against me but pushed me back. "Roxas...we can't."

"Why not?" I kissed him again, lightly.

"We just can't." He sighed and stopped me from kissing him again. "We are nobodies...we can't just go around acting like we are more than that."

I glared at him. "We aren't acting. I know you feel for me...and you feel for me here." I gained some confidence as I brushed my hand across his groin.

He groaned and looked down at me. "Roxas...we'll get caught."

"No, we won't." I kissed and nibbled on his neck. "We'll go in my room...next to mine is empty and across from mine is empty. It'll be just us. No one could hear us..."

He groaned again as I pushed against him and bit down on his collarbone. "Mm...okay...but we have to sneak inside the castle."

Without thinking, I opened a portal directly into my room and pushed him through it and onto my bed. "Sneaky enough?"

He pulled me down into a kiss. "Perfect."

I smiled down at him and kissed him again. I was straddling him again, my hands on his chest. I raised up to look at him, a smile playing across my lips. "I think we're switched."

He grinned and pushed me down against the bed and rose above me. He pulled the zipper on my cloak down, letting it fall open so that the cold night air brushed against me. I shuddered beneath him and he grinned down at me with vibrant eyes. He was so beautiful.

He ravished my neck and collarbone with rough kisses, nipping his way down to my chest and licking across my left nipple roughly before sucking on it. I moaned and writhed against him, the new sensation sending chills down my spine. Nibbling it lightly, he pulled away. I could feel myself sweating as he lapped against my other nipple.

I pulled my arms out of my sleeves and wrapped them around him. I snaked my hand to his chest as he kissed my lips again, pulling the zipper of his own black jacket down. He shrugged the clothing off and kissed his way down my chest and my stomach. I shuddered as he worked the zipper on my black pants down. The vibrations caused me to let out a low growl.

He looked up at me with his vibrant green eyes and smirked. "Are you seriously wearing briefs?" He laughed huskily. "I haven't worn those since...ever."

I laughed down at him and blushed. I suddenly felt so childish. All of those thoughts suddenly left, however as he pulled my pants down to my ankles and crawled back on top of me. Cold air rushed onto my legs and hips and I shuddered again. He ran his hands down my body and down to my hips, kissing the line between my leg and torso he whispered again. "You feel needy..." He rubbed a hand up the inside of my thighs up to the line of my erection.

"I am..." I was panting by now as his kisses went lower and lower. His hands were gently stroking my thigh. He hooked a finger under the elastic of my underwear and pulled them down. My breath hitched as my hard erection was revealed to him. I was both embarrassed, and aroused causing my face to be hot and my breathing ragged.

He leaned down and licked across the head of my arousal lightly, causing my back to arch and a long sigh to emit from my throat. "You're absolutely delicious, Rox." He suckled lightly on the tip again before pulling himself back up to my face. I was panting hard against him.

Stepping off the bed, he removed his pants, showing me that he had decided to wear no undergarments that day. I looked at him with a suggestive leer. "Commando, Axel?"

He smirked. "Only for you." And he crawled back on my hips. As our erections brushed against each other, we both moaned. He rocked forward and kissed me as we moaned again. Finally he pulled away and lifted my legs up to his shoulders. I looked up at him in slight fear, but overcome by lust. "I don't really know how to do this..." he admitted, gazing down at me in concern.

I smiled at him. "I don't care...just...please..." I was basically moaning out my words. He took the hint and slid a finger into me. I grabbed the sheets in my hands and bit back a groan. He waited until my hands unclenched before moving the finger in and out of me slowly. Soon the pain died down and I began to enjoy the feeling. Just as the feeling of pleasure began to wash over me however, a second finger was slid in. I hissed in pain and bit my lip.

As a tear fell down the side of my face, Axel wiped it away, softly whispering. "I'm sorry...I'm not trying to hurt you." As I nodded, he began to move the two fingers inside me. After a third time of the same action, he pulled all three fingers out. "Are you sure about this?"

I scowled at him. "Don't you dare back out now." He laughed huskily and pulled my hips up so the tip of his erection was brushing against my opening. "Just...go..."

He nodded and pushed into me, quickly, but at the same time with a bit of softness. I groaned loudly as my back arched and my hands clenched the sheets once more. To be honest I wasn't expecting it to hurt that much. He started apologizing to me but I ignored it, concentrating only on relaxing my body. My body soon became less tense and I moved to urge the redhead to keep going. Trying to hide the fact that I was still in pain, I manipulated my moans of pain, into those of pleasure. As he continued, however, I began bucking to meet him.

His breathing was becoming ragged, along with mine as we moaned over and over, my back arching and pushing my body against him. His hips met with mine, his hand wrapped around me and in the midst of it all, I didn't care about what had happened earlier. He was all that mattered, and he was with me. We were all that mattered.

Soon his breathing was coming in short moans and I sensed that he was about to climax. I felt myself approaching my peak as well as he plunged into me again. I fought the urge to close my eyes, however, so that I could see his face. His cheeks were flushed, his forehead sweaty, and his hair was clinging to his skin. I was enthralled by the passion held in his eyes as they opened to gaze down at me.

With another plunge he came, sending me over the edge as well. I moaned his name, arching my back as I heard my own echoing off of the walls in the room as he collapsed on top of me. As he rolled over next to me, I turned on my side to face him, kissing him gently on the lips over and over.

"Roxas." He whispered. I looked back at him as he pulled me against him, his arm wrapped around my back and he kissed my forehead. "Go to sleep." He pulled his cloak from next to him over us.

I nodded against his bare chest. I listened to his chest thump softly in my ear, and his breath steady. I was soon lulled to sleep by the sound that only I would ever hear. _I love him...I love Axel...and I am his heart...

* * *

_

_**Note:** This was the first time I wrote any really graphic yaoi. This is my first yaoi fic or anything. So I'm kind of proud of it. What did you think? Hot and sexy? I thought so...mmm Axel..._


	8. No Guilt

_**Note:** Here's for my weekly chapter. Yeah I put some rawnchy stuff in there. Yeah there's gonna be more. ENJOY!

* * *

_

**No Guilt**

They say that actions speak louder than words. Well, our actions were pretty loud. We still hadn't actually said the four letter word that was the reasoning behind what we'd done. And though he and I both knew we loved each other, it wasn't the same as actually saying so.

As I woke up with the blonde boy wrapped in my arms, all that happened the previous night rushed back to me. _Oh God..._ I thought, holding him closer to my chest,_What have I done?_ My mind answered back in my own cocky voice. _Each other._

Even though I knew what we did should never have been, I couldn't bring myself to regret it. As much as I wanted to feel guilty for my actions, I couldn't. I loved the sleeping teen who was snuggled against my chest. And though it was wrong in so many ways, I didn't care. In actuality, all I cared about was that moment of waking up in Roxas's bed, his head against my chest, and my face nuzzled into his hair.

He wiggled a little as he woke up, but I tightened my arms and whispered. "Shh...don't move." He seemed to want the same as I, because he stopped moving. I kissed his head lightly and laid with him, his arms curled into his chest.

"Never let me go." He said again, whispering against my chest. "Axel..."

"I promise."

Just as the words left my mouth, however, I heard running footsteps from down the hall. "Roooooxaaassss!" It was Demyx. His voice was unmistakable. As his stomping came closer and closer to the door, I panicked, rolling myself off and under Roxas's bed.

I watched as the door swung open and two boots ran into the room. "Roxas! Have you seen Axel?"

After mentally cursing myself, I listened to Roxas's calm voice. "He's probably patrolling."

"Oh...yeah you're right. Why are you naked?"

_Shit._

"I sleep in the nude."

That boy was good.

"Oh okay...well..GET UP!"

"I'll be out in a minute. Let me go get dressed."

Demyx stood, possibly nodding, and walked out the door. I let out a sigh, crawling out from under the bed. Roxas laughed at me when I stood up. "Nice hiding spot."

"Oh hush, you." I falsely scowled at him. "This was all your idea in the first place."

He smirked at me. "Are you saying you didn't want it?"

He smirked at me. "Are you saying that you didn't want it?"

And with no further thought I pinned him to the bed in a rough kiss. Pulling back, I saw his smirk and grinned. "I wanted it...I want it again."

His grin became more mischievous as I gazed at him. Smugly, he ran his hands down my sides and on to my hips. "Oh really?"

My voice was growing lower as his slim fingers ran along the space between my hip and torso. "Yeah...really."

He bent up to kiss me lightly. Then he jumped out of bed. "I need a shower."

I fell over, covering my erection with a sheet and glared at him. "You did **not** just tease me."

Stepping into his bathroom, he smiled at me. "Oh...but I think I did." And he closed the door behind him. It were days such as that I would learn to miss.

I stood from the bed and grabbed my pants, wondering if Demyx was still waiting outside the door or if I would have to teleport outside the castle and then walk in. Zipping my pants, and cloak, I sat down in the chair identical to the ones in every nobody's room. It was probably best if I just waited for Roxas to get out of the shower and check for me.

I listened carefully to the running water come to an end a few moments before the blonde reappeared into the room, a towel draped around his hip and another in his hand as he dried his hair. Damn he was sexy. He blushed lightly as he seemed to realize I was staring at him and I winked. "That should be a uniform specially chosen for you."

He laughed and walked over to me. "Don't you think a towel will be a bit difficult to fight in?"

"Nah." I shrugged. "And you'd fit in perfectly if you ever need to go to Olympus." He laughed with me and got dressed. "Roxy..." I said coming up behind him and hugging him. "Would you be a dear and tell me if it's possible for me to sneak out of here?"

"It'd be easier to if you'd let me go." He smiled up at me as I released him and he peaked out the door. "Come on."

I walked over to him and he kissed me again as he pulled me outside. "So the coast is clear?" I smirked down at him.

He giggled again. "Yup."

I couldn't get enough of his lips, I realized, because I kissed him softly and quickly on the lips before running away down the hall so to stage my entrance.

Once at the front gate, I turned around and calmly walked down the hall. I couldn't keep the smile off my face every time I even thought about the boy. _Love_. My mind echoed, taunting me with the unsaid emotion. I was almost humming as I walked then, thinking back on every memory I had of Roxas. Seeing a hit of blonde, however, I stopped.

"N-namine! Uh..hey!" I said nervously as she smiled brightly up at me. "What are you doing out of your room?"

"You and Roxas are very close. Aren't you?" She was smiling brightly, despite how unsure my smile was.

I laughed nervously. "Uh..yeah. Best friends."

"I just met him. He seems nice." She walked by me. "Axel." She said, causing me to turn around. "I drew you a picture." With that she held up her sketchbook happily.

I smiled back at her as she handed me a paper she'd folded up. After opening it however, my smile dropped. On the paper was a red headed cloaked man, most likely me, pushing a blonde, who I expected to be Roxas, against a wall, kissing him. "Why...did you draw this?"

She was still grinning just as innocently as before. "You two are best friends. I wanted to draw a picture for you to have to remember how close you two are."

"Did...did you draw a picture for Roxas too?"

She nodded. "His was different though. But it still had the two of you in it." She frowned. "I don't think he liked it."

I sighed and plastered on a fake smile. "Thanks Namine." Looking down at her grinning face, I patted her head. "I love it. And Roxas probably loves his too."

She nodded. "I hope so. The idea for his came to me last night. Yours was a few months ago."

By that time I was praying that the picture she'd drawn wasn't what I thought. I smiled anyways though. "Well go back to your room. Before Xemnas pitches a fit."

Grinning again, she nodded before running off. "Bye Axel!"

I waved, waiting for her to be out of sight before letting out the breath I was holding in to support my false enthusiasm. _We may have a problem. _I thought. _I just hope Xemnas doesn't find out._

After searching through the common room, dining room and training rooms, I had to ask. "Demyx, where's Roxas?"

The blonde nobody shrugged nonchalantly. "I don't know. He said he needed to talk to you, though." And he continued eating. "He met Namine today."

"I know..." I tapped my foot, thinking for a moment. "I guess I'll check the most obvious place...his room."

"He's not there."

I growled. "Then where is he?"

"I told you. I don't know where he is." HE looked up at me and smirked. "I just know where he isn't."

"Ugh...you annoy me." And I left, running outside to search for Roxas.

It wasn't hard to find him then. He was in the alley we'd been in the day before. He looked nervously at the paper in his hand and then back at the alley. "Hey Rox."

He jumped, startled, then turned to look at me. "Axel." He handed me the paper and I looked down at it. It was of Roxas, holding on to me in the alley and written behind us were the scribble words 'I'll never forget you. I promise.'

The blonde boy looked up at me, confused. "What is she?"

"To be honest...I don't really know." I laughed nervously again, but stopped when met with his worried eyes. "What'd she tell you, Rox?"

"Nothing really...just that we seemed really close."

"Hm." I nodded. "Do you mind if I keep this?" I asked, holding up the folded picture that Namine gave him.

He shook his head. "Go ahead." As I stuck it in my pocket, he looked at me again. "Axel...you don't think Xemnas knows, do you?"

"Hope not." I shrugged coming up with a mischievous idea before advancing toward him. "Or else last night will never happen again."

He gave me a pouty glare that was more cute than intimidating. "Axel! I'm serious!"

I smiled and kissed his forehead, still loving the fact that I could do that. "If he knew, I'd be dead by now. And I'm still living, okay?"

Giving me sad grin he asked, "Why would you be dead? I basically seduced you."

I smirked, remembering the moves the younger boy played on me the night before. "Yeah...you did. But Xemnas wouldn't destroy you unless you personally were a threat to the plan."

"Oh." He gave me a tough-like smirk up at me. "If he killed you, though, he'd have to kill me too."

"And why is that?"

"Because if he killed you...I'd kill him. It's that simple."

Poking his nose, I smiled and laughed lightly. "You're so gay."

He scowled at me with a slight blush on his cheeks. "So are you!"

"True." I kissed him lightly, pushing him back and creating a whole new mood. "I know it's too early for us to repeat last night...but oh how I want to..." As I finished the statement I grinded against him roughly.

"Mm...so you liked my idea?" He smirked.

"Mhm. And I still do...but it's easily addictive." By this time he was pinned beneath me against the alley wall and I was kissing and nipping at his neck.

"Axel...we...mmm...we can't."

I laughed against the skin on his collarbone. "Isn't that what I said last night?"

"But that..." he said, trying to suppress the sounds in the back of his throat. "Was night...not the middle of the day."

"I don't actually need to do everything we did last night." I kissed his lips again, grinding my hips against his. "There are...alternatives."

I could feel the effects of my words rubbing against my leg. "Mm...what kind of alternatives?"

I flicked his ear with my tongue once before biting it, listening to him moan lightly. "Well," I whispered huskily in his ear, "I could kiss you...here..." I brought my knee up to rub against his growing arousal and he groaned.

"You...you don't have to do that."

I kissed him roughly. "But I want to." I began my descent down his neck, my hands finding the zipper of his cloak and pulling it down.

"Right here?" He was already panting.

"Mhm..." I kissed his chest, biting softly in some parts and hearing him groan because of it.

"Mm...Axel..." he was still fighting the urge to moan loudly and I could tell. "Namine might see us."

"I don't care." And I took his nipple into my mouth, suckling on it roughly, taking in the feeling of him writhing beneath me. I bit down softly on the pink but in my mouth before making my way to the other side, half mesmerized by his moans.

I lapped at his other nipple, circling it and then flicking it with my tongue. As I felt his hips grind against mine once more, I smirked, suckling on the small bud once more before descending further.

He no longer suppressed his moans and desires, I'd noticed, because he was groaning loudly as I held his hips in place. I kissed my way down his stomach, fingering the top of his pants softly. Just as he groaned once more I rose to kiss his lips again.

"Are you sure you don't want this Roxy?" I smirked.

His eyes were closed, his head bent back and he kissed me roughly, growling in the back of his throat. "I do...I want it..."

I nibbled on his bottom lip and whispered. "What do you want?"

"Axel...please..." he begged, causing my own arousal to grow even harder.

"Please what."

He growled again, more angrily than before, and pulled me by the collar of my cloak into a hard kiss. Dazed only slightly, I pulled back to be met with a lustful smirk and clouded eyes before he raised up to whisper in my ear. "I want you to stop toying with me and suck me."

Never before did I think the blonde was so sexy. I immediately made my way back to his pants, unzipping them slowly as I kissed his hips. Lapping at the region between his leg and his stomach, I pulled his briefs down just as slowly.

Eyeing the state my lover was in, I smirked. I'd done that to him. And I can't say I wasn't proud of myself. I took the head of his erection into my mouth slowly. Holding his hips down, I lapped at it while it was in my mouth, savoring both his taste and his moans.

Slowly I licked the underside of him from the base to the very tip, listening to him yell out my name. Finally, my teasing ended, and I took all of him into my mouth...well...as much as I could. His hand found my hair as I bobbed up and down on the younger man's arousal. Applying a bit of suction, he bucked against me, despite my attempts to keep his hips steady.

I moaned against him purposefully, pinning down his writhing hips once more. "Axel...I'm..gonna..." His cries made me apply a bit more suction against him as I quickened my pace. His moans became louder, until finally he climaxed, screaming my name as his seed filled my mouth, a little dripping down my chin.

Licking my lips and wiping my chin, I rose to meet him. "Delicious." And I kissed him. His whole body was weak in the midst of afterglow. After finally gainint his energy enough to kiss me back, I pushed my tongue into his mouth.

He pushed me off. "Axel..what about you?"

I smiled at that, but shook my head. "This was for you. Don't worry about me."

"But–."

I placed a finger on his lips. "Shh...I'll take care of it later." And I kissed him again. It was then that I realized I was holding him up. With one hand, I opened a portal to my room. Carrying him in a bridal fashion, his and cloak still hanging from his limbs, I walked through and laid him on the bed and pulled his clothing off of him. "Now sleep." I kissed his forehead softly.

"Lay with me." His blue eyes were enough to manipulate me into matching his attire and climbing into the bed behind him, kissing the nape of his neck. "Mm...Axel."

I smiled softly against his skin. "What?"

His hand found mine laying on his stomach, and our fingers became loosely tangled together. "I...Axel..."

Kissing his neck again, I asked. "What is it?"

But the thing I least expected to hear came out of his mouth. "I love you."

* * *

_**Note:** WOOO! Chapter 8 is finished! I woudl have updated earlier but I got sick like...last thursday. XP I am contemplating whether the next chapter will be in Roxas's POV like it is supposed to be, or in 3rd person so as to hear both sides and begin the climax of the story. Either way...it'll be GREAT. Review and say that you love me!_

_Meryl is so lucky..._


	9. No Response

**_Note: I know...it's getting late on a saturday night...and I'm just now posting. Sorry it took so long...I had a dash of writers block and a lot of school work and a test and...some insecurity issues with this chapter. So without further adieu__..chapter 9._**

* * *

**No Response**

After those three words left my mouth, I drifted off to sleep in the pyro's arms. Unfortunately the uncertainty of his reaction to my confession and the insecurity that I was cursed with, woke me up bright and early the next morning. I opened my eyes slowly in his bed, raising up to realize that there was no Axel in the room...and it felt so cold waking up without him.

I stood, looking around the room with caution, trying to tell myself he hadn't really left while I was asleep. Unfortunately he had, but it didn't take me long to find the paper with his scratchy handwriting laying on the dresser.

_"Roxas, _

_I left to get some breakfast, I'll be in the common room."_

Written beneath that was a small word that'd been scratched out and re-written. I could see what the original word was that he'd written, but what he put instead was:

_"Later,_

_Axel"_

I sat back on the bed. Maybe telling him I loved him was...too much? Maybe...maybe he didn't feel for me that much...I stopped. Never had a single idea hurt so badly inside. Yet the thought lingered in my brain, torturing me. Maybe he really didn't love me. Maybe...maybe he really couldn't love. Those words that ran through my head made my stomach turn. As I fought back the tears that threatened to fall, I realized that the single thought of Axel not loving me...caused my non-existent heart to inexplicably shatter.

I took a deep breath, trying to fight away my rash mind and twisting insides, in order to calm myself and confront Axel. He was in the common room. That's what the **note** said, right? I took another breath, grabbed my pants and cloak off the floor, dropped the letter, and left.

A wave of relief flooded over me as I saw a familiar spiky red head sitting on the couch in the aforementioned room. He was sitting across from an oh-so-hyper blonde who greeted me with a great deal of enthusiasm. "G'mornin' Roxas!"

I sat down on the couch Axel was on, leaving a seat open between us. "Good morning, Demyx. Axel." Axel offered me a nonchalant wave of a good morning as he visibly tensed next to me. I tried not to look at him again.

"Did you sleep well? Because I was awfully cold last night." Demyx grinned brightly, unbeknownst to him, the single question meant so much more to Axel and I.

I nodded however, dropping my head. "I slept fine...it was a little cold when I woke up though."

Demyx was oblivious, but I could tell Axel knew what I was talking about. In spite of that, the sitar player continued. "Did your blanket fall off the bed? That happens to me all the time!"

I shook my head. "No. My blanket ran away." I laughed lightly, and watched as Axel dropped his head as well. I sat back up however, trying to plaster on another grin of false enthusiasm.

Demyx laughed with me, finding my "joke" hilarious. "What about you, Axel? Did you sleep well?" And Demyx had asked the question I was waiting for.

Out of the corner of my eye I watched as Axel tensed, looked at me, then back at Demyx. "I ...uh. Yeah."

"You weren't cold?" Demyx obviously was going to ask everyone that this morning.

"No." Axel grinned brightly. "I'm a pyro, I can't be cold." His smirking face turned to me and he winked.

I scoffed under my breath, his smug facade was starting to annoy me, because he knew I was angry about waking up alone, and he was shrugging it off. Those were the kinds of things that could annoy me about Axel, he could turn any argument in to a joke despite the seriousness of a certain situation. And this morning was an unspoken quarrel.

I stood. "I'm going to the training rooms. Bye." Turning away from them I stopped as Axel spoke.

"Do you mind if I come train with you?"

"I just want to train by myself right now." I said, with a slight coldness to my voice that I didn't mean to add on.

"O-oh..." He actually sounded...guilty. But then, I had to go. I couldn't stay around to hear that voice again...and I couldn't turn and see his face. I walked out of the room, turning in the hall and making it a few steps before I finally had to let out the breath I'd been holding.

My speed slowed as I turned the corner, heading to the training rooms as I'd said. I sluggishly made my way to the end of the hall, trying not to think about the red head that plagued my thoughts, but to no avail.

On my second turn towards the training rooms, I stopped, a small blonde girl standing in front of me. "Hello Roxas!" Namine said happily.

"Hi." I was slightly worried, what kind of picture had she drawn this time?

She beamed up at me. "I love how nice you are to Axel. You two really are best friends."

I nodded. Unknowing of what to say to her.

"Xemnas doesn't like it though."

Xemnas knew? How? He can't! "He knows?"

She nodded, her smile never faltering. "He seemed really mad about it." I could imagine...oh no. Axel. My eyes widened. "He said that he had to make it stop. But I don't now how he would break up two friends."

He'd kill Axel. He'd kill him. For the perhaps twentieth time that day, I was fighting back tears. "Thanks for warning me." Her grin had yet to fall, and her eyes were looking up at me with a great deal of innocence. "How did he find out?"

She shrugged, thinking for a moment. "Probably the pictures on my wall."

I sighed. This was a problem. I turned. "Thanks again, Namine. I have...to go." I knew what I had to do. I knew who I had to talk to...if he was there.

"Bye." She said, and I heard her walk away.

I ran. Back the way I came. Back past the common room, past the bedrooms, past the meeting room...and outside. Despite it being early in the day, the alleys were dark. My feet never stopped, my eyes never closed. I looked down each alley and each turn. He had to be there. He had to be somewhere that I could find him.

I went back to the alley where we met. Hoping maybe...just maybe he was there. And the alley was empty. "DiZ..." I said aloud, remembering his name again. He was the one that could help me. He could...he could take me away before Axel died. The thought of leaving tore my insides...but the thought of Axel dying...I couldn't explain the horrible feeling that washed over me at the idea.

I stood in the alley for a moment before finally deciding this was not the place to stay. Axel found me easily last time. And the red head was the last person I needed to see. I didn't need to fall for him any more...and I didn't want him to love me.

Those feelings were so confusing. In all honesty, I did want him to love me. I wanted him to be in love with me forever...but I didn't want him to love me because I didn't want him hurt. I didn't want to hurt him and leave him, but if I stay...he'd die. I didn't want to forget him, but if I didn't I'd stay. I didn't want to lose him...for the first time since I met Axel...I didn't want to feel anything. I wanted to be nobody. I wanted to have no heart and no soul and no emotions. But Axel had changed everything. He made me love and feel. And though it was impossible, he made me feel like I had a heart. Like there was something beating in my chest. Like there was something that held all my emotions and special memories for only he and I to see.

How had he made me defy these laws of nothingness? How had one person made life so damn confusing?!

I realized then, I was running again. I wasn't sure where I was running, but I was...and I wasn't stopping. I was going to...to...run away. I had to...I had to get away from Axel before...I whispered as my feet slowed and my knees weakened. "Xemnas will kill him..." I fell hard on my knees against the pavement. I felt the concrete collide against my bones but I didn't care. Everything physical was fading away from me, and my emotions and my thoughts were the only thing that were real.

Axel was the only thing that was real.

I fell forward, holding my hands over my head, curling into the smallest ball that I could, and I cried. I rocked back and forth in my little ball, confusion washing over me unlike it ever had. "What do I do?" I repeated the phrase over and over, my tears falling on the ground. My heart had already shattered, and now it was disolving away. I was dying inside.

I wished then that I could kill Xemnas. But not only was I not powerful enough to beat him, but even if I was, he had Demyx, Luxord, Xigbar and Xaldin on his side. And...if Axel didn't love me. He had Axel too. Would Axel try to kill me?

My head ached, my chest ached, my body was weak and my eyes were swollen. This was turning out to be the worst day in my existence. And it wasn't even afternoon yet.

"Roxas."

I didn't have to look up. I knew exactly who it was. "DiZ."

"Are you ready to join me?"

I thought for a moment, my mind flowing back on the red head that broke all the rules and laws that were supposed to define my existence. "Y-yes."

"Excellent." I looked up now, taking the man's hand as he helped me stand. "We will leave tomorrow night. At this place."

I nodded, but remained silent.

"Are there any questions?"

I stood, looking at him. Finally I asked, "Why do I feel?"

He smiled. "Because you have the heart of a keyblade master."

I glared at him. "I don't have a heart at all. I'm a nobody. No heart. No soul."

"You do have a heart." He said. "You are the only nobody with one. But it can only be awakened by the one who makes it beat."

I nodded. So...Axel really didn't feel anything for me. But I felt for him. "But...why?"

He breathed deeply and allowed me to sit back down on a bench against the wall I didn't even know was there. He sat next to me. "Nobodies, have a heart. Well...they have half of a heart. But Xemnas doesn't know that."

How much did this guy know? "Half...of a heart..."

He nodded. "You see, when heartless take a heart from a person, they take only the shape...the shell of a heart. They believe that they have taken the entire heart." He took a breath and started again. "Nobodies get the inner part of the heart. The part that has all of the hidden emotions and all of the secret feelings. But they don't know because well, it's hidden. And without a shell, the heart is not contained."

"So. Nobodies can feel?" I looked at him strangely.

"Only if they find a person who can control their heart. You have the hidden feelings of a human known as Sora. He was the keyblade master. And the heart of him that you have, is the heart that controls the keyblade."

"So...If I can control Axel's heart..." Then he could feel...he could love me. Things just got a lot more confusing.

"Then he will feel that it is there." He said. "But that is all you learn today."

I nodded, still confused a little, but for the most part content.

"Will I still see you tomorrow? Ready to go?"

Nodding again, I sighed. Remembering that even if Axel did love me...Xemnas would kill him. For Axel's sake...I had to let his heart go. Axel had a wild heart...and in more ways than one. DiZ disapeared back into his own portal and I just sat there. Thinking once again on everything.

I knew I didn't want to see Axel again, because his eyes would lock me to him. That his voice would bind me to wherever he was. But I knew...I couldn't leave without some sort of goodbye. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to do anything. I wanted to...I didn't know what I wanted to do. Anything...anything but leave him. "Damn it."

I felt a footstep behind me but I didn't move. If it was an enemy, let them kill me. If it was a friend, let them be. I turned to walk past them. Whoever they may be. Even if it was..."Axel..."

* * *

**_Note: Okay so that was chapter 9. PLEASE if you haven't reviewed any of the chapters in the past, review this one and tell me what you think. I still think this is my worst chapter thus far. So PLEASE review and give me some strong criticism. I beg of you. This chapter may be re uploaded depending on how bad I think it is._**

**__** **_Meryl is so lucky...  
_**


	10. No Time

_**Note:** After a few AkuRoku AMVs I got in the mood to write this chapter. This story, in case you didn't guess, isn't going to be very long. I may have 5 chapters more at the most. So be prepared. Well, here's chapter 10._

* * *

**No Time**

So maybe I freaked out a bit after he told me he...that he...when he said that. I didn't even know why. I had already thought about my feelings towards him...but it was just a big jump to say it. It seemed like saying the three words to him...made it real. And what was so difficult was, it couldn't be real! I was a nobody, and so was he, we didn't feel things. Well... we weren't supposed to anyways, but something was definitely there.

How was I supposed to react to such a confession, though? He'd fallen asleep after saying that, so I couldn't talk to him about it then... and after the lack of sleep that night from pondering the three words and the unimaginable feeling of confusion that fell over me, I left. I didn't want to be there to only get more confused when he woke up. So, as I told him I would, I waited for him in the common room.

Even when waiting there, I was uneasy. Demyx had soon joined me and provided me some outlet for my wavering feelings...he was SOMEONE to talk to. Soon, however, Roxas had joined us. It seemed as though every question or statement that popped out of Demyx's mouth, however, was pre-planned just to torture me. Every question had some sort of hidden meaning to the two of us.

I found myself searching the castle for the blonde boy who'd slipped away. He wasn't in his room, or mine, or any of the training rooms. Not the common room, where I'd been, nor the dining room, meeting room, or computer lab. Soon I was out in the cold looking meticulously for the teen.

The entire walk, however, my mind wasn't focused on finding him. It was more focused on what I would say to him when I did find him. He would be expecting a response to his previous confession, but was I ready to give it to him? With each lingering thought my pace slowed a little more, in order to draw out the time between looking and finding him and giving me a little more time to think.

There was never enough time to think. I realized that as I stopped in the street. What would I say to Roxas? Did I really love him? Was it really so simple just to let the three words come out of my mouth?

There was never enough time...

I stopped, letting out a deep sigh and leaned against the wall of a building. _Do I love him?_I let the thought settle in my mind. Defining the word by memory, and remembering my feelings I had towards him.

My feelings...well, every time I saw him I couldn't help but smile. And when he smiled back, my could feel my insides flutter. In a good way...And when he was thinking about something...just the look of contemplation in his eyes, made him more beautiful than anything in any world. And when he kissed me, my body heated up, and my bones felt like pure nothingness. I felt like I meant something to him, and that I had someone that was mine.

Finally I came to the conclusion. _Yes. I love him._ And I had to tell him then.

Back down through the city I ran, looking through each and every alley way, now ecstatic at the thought of sharing such a wonderful feeling with Roxas. If I'd never had a heart, I knew why at that moment. I think my heart was locked away in the confession I'd heard the night before. And now, I realized, Roxas needed his heart as well.

Roxas needed to know that I loved him.

Coming to a dead end, I spun on my feet to a stop. Roxas was in front of me. Sitting helplessly on the ground. He turned to me, his eyes red from crying. "Axel."

He looked so stunned to see me that it hurt. I took a step foreword, confused as to why he looked so helpless and wronged. "Hey, Rox. What's the matter?" I held my hand out to help him up, trying to force a comforting smile on my face.

He composed himself, standing up briskly. As a more calmed expression played over his face, he responded. "I'm fine." Fixing his cloak, he looked back up at me, his face stern. "And I'm sorry about what I said last night."

"Well uh...that's kind of why I wanted to talk to you." I said, trying to bring up my courage while I spoke. "You see I-"

"I didn't mean it." He interrupted. "I mean, we can't feel anything, right?" He laughed lightly and smiled a purely empty smile up at me.

The words came as a shock to me, and all rational thoughts left my head. "No...no we can..." I said, not thinking. "Roxas, I do love you."

He shook his head. "No you don't." He looked away. The feelings I had for the boy were ripping me apart inside. I didn't know what to do.

I stepped foreword again, putting my hand on his face to make him look at me, but he threw my hand back down. "Roxas...Roxas I do...I love you. And you love me too..." I could feel the tears stinging my eyes, but I kept the pathetic smile on my face.

He refused to meet my gaze, but spoke with a disgust I never wanted to hear come from his mouth. "No I don't. We don't feel anything."

With those words, I fell to my knees, all of my thoughts and hopes and the courage I had gathered, plummeting to the ground faster than my body. I wrapped my hands around him and buried my face in his stomach, crying against him. "You do. You love me...please...I love you..." Why was it so easy to say now that he'd taken everything back? I was trying to bring up the nerve to tell him before, but then after he told me he never meant what he said...I told him I loved him three times.

His hands pushed at my shoulders, but I wouldn't let him go. "Axel, stop this. Stop acting like you feel anything." I could feel his voice shaking, his words unsteady.

"You do, I know you do. Don't you lie to me damn it!" I never brought my face from his stomach, my tears soaking his cloak.

"No we don't!"

It took me a moment to realize that his bony hand had actually collided with my cheek and I was no longer holding on to him. The pain hit me soon after, and I looked up at him in shock, my hand holding my cheek. He'd slapped me. "Roxas..."

"I'm sorry..." He said, his eyes full of concern. He looked down, finally speaking after taking a deep breath. "I'm leaving. Tomorrow."

"Why?"

"I'm only going to hurt you more if I stay here." He admitted. But at that moment, I didn't know why, but I knew he was lying.

I looked down as well. "Please don't leave..."

"Why not?" The harshness in his voice surprised me.

"If you leave..." I started, trying to think of what exactly I was trying to say. "If you leave...I'll just be nobody..."

I could feel his eyes on me now, I looked up at him as he finally stated with all the disdain he could muster. "You already are."

And just like that...I snapped. The tears stopped, my sadness vanished, and I felt nothing once again. "You're right." I said, my mouth working on its own.

"So go back to the castle." He almost whispered.

I nodded, turning around. "Sorry to have bothered you." My voice sounded harsh, and I didn't care. The emotions I had gathered when the blonde arrived, shattered and dissolved with each step I took away from him. So I walked. Slowly. I walked away from him, and from the small chance of a future with feelings and with love. From any chance that I would be happy and not care free. From any meaning that there was in my existence. I walked away from it all, just to get away from him. Because his aura, at that moment, sickened me.

He didn't follow me, he didn't come in that room that night, and I didn't care. Everything about him meant nothing to me in that moment. The heart that he'd given me, he'd just taken away. And I didn't miss it. I guess that was because in the back of my mind, I knew, that if I did have a heart in that moment, it would be eating it's way from my chest painfully and I would be crying again.

I realized then, that I didn't want my emotions back. The last thing I needed was to feel the wound the boy had opened inside me. I didn't want to cry for him, or feel ashamed of my ignorance. I just wanted...to fade into nothingness. I didn't want to care, or love, or regret...I didn't want any of that. I didn't want him...I wanted...I wanted to be nobody.

I wanted to forget the feeling of his lips on mine. I wanted to forget the ecstasy we shared together. I wanted to forget the scent of his hair, and skin. I wanted to forget his taste and his essence and everything about him. How my insides fluttered, my cheeks burned, and my hands trembled. How goosebumps formed, and my brow would sweat. I wanted to forget his name.

Roxas.

Damn him. Damn his lips and his scent. Damn his taste and essence and everything else. Damn the emotions and the rush. Damn him.

I laid in bed staring up at the ceiling as the last damnation played again in my brain. A single tear fell down from my eye and I realized...I hated him so much it hurt. And I hated him...because I loved him. Because he made me love him. What right did he have to do that?

What right did that pipsqueak have to contort my lack of emotions into those of pure devotion only towards him? What reasoning did he have in shattering the heart I never had? What made him choose me to torture and why did he do it? Why did he choose me? Why did he do that?

I didn't know when I ended up that way, but soon I was curled in my white sheets and blankets, and for the final time...I was crying. I was crying for him. Because I knew that I loved him and he was leaving. I was crying because of him. Because he's the one that made me feel. And I was crying to him. I hoped that somewhere in the back of my mind he knew I was crying and would come back.

But at the same time...I was crying because I was so damn pathetic.

I had become weak...and vulnerable. I had let him ruin me. I had...I had given in. At the time, I didn't care...but when I was curled up on my mattress, tears streaming down my cheeks, I just wanted the past to go away. I wanted to have never met the blonde boy who plagued my dreams at night and whose voice was my very conscience. I wanted to carve out the unneeded and accidental emotions that he'd created inside me. But I couldn't.

At the same time...I still loved being able to feel.

Everything was so damn confusing. I wanted to think about everything and at the same time nothing. I wanted to go back and try to get Roxas back in my arms, but at the same time I never wanted to see him again. I wanted to kiss him once more, but at the same time I wanted to kill him so he'd just go away.

I needed time. I needed to think. I needed to cry. I needed...I needed time. Roxas was leaving the next day and I needed time...

But it just seemed that there was never enough of it.

* * *

_**Note:** The next chapter is going to be in third person, I've already decided. I don't know if this was a tear jerker like I wanted it to be or if Axel was just out of character. He'll be back to himself, I pwomise. That was on purpose. XP Anywho, so this weekend I'm going to a convention in Atlanta so I hope I have some fun...that's why I'm updating tonight. Yay! _

_Okay later! Review please! Kisses hugs and much love!_

_Meryl is so lucky..._


	11. No Afterlife

_**Note:** I have no idea, as of right now, as to what I'm doing...so...I hope it comes out well._

* * *

**No Afterlife**

It must have been at least an hour after Axel left that everything I had said and done to him finally hit me. I knew what I'd said was all lies, but, at the same time I knew...I couldn't take it back. What I said...unfortunately...was for the best. And I couldn't take it back...

The sound of my own disgust plagued my mind as the scene replayed. My own lies and tormenting words circled every corner of my brain until I felt my insides break down. I could feel my chest breaking and I could tell that I was definitely losing my mind. Without Axel..._Oh God,_ I thought..._I'm without Axel...He's...he's gone.__I'm...nothing_...

I wanted to curl back up in the street and cry again...I wanted to just lay down and never have to stand up to face the reality without the red-headed sarcastic fun-loving pyro that I'd grown to love. From the day I first stepped into the organization officially, the red head continued to plague my thoughts. From the blush he'd inexplicably caused to make itself known on my cheeks, to the warmth I felt inside every time he was near. The first time he touched me, he changed me. He took all of my tense feelings away and allowed me to relax. The first time we kissed, my body melted against his.

If only I knew that last night would be..._the _last night I'd spend with Axel. If only I'd knew that the kiss we shared would be our last...it would have lasted so much longer. It would have been so much deeper. I have one more night...then I leave...but, if I stay with him tonight, he would only be hurt worse. If he still loved me and I left...it would hit him harder. And then there were the chances that...staying with him one more night would only anger Xemnas more.

For his sake...I had to stay away from him. For his sake...I had to let my heart and his shatter and become nothing once more. I had to become...nobody. I had to feel nothing.

Calming myself with a reassuring deep breath, I stood up straight. _Okay, Roxas, now walk._ And I did so, going along with my own directions on how to live. _Breathe, step, breathe, step. Back to the castle. Gather your things, have a good nights rest...it will all be over tomorrow night._ I told myself, quite sure that if I didn't remind myself, I would indeed forget to breathe.

Step by step I made it to the castle. It was nightfall by now and I was hoping that the enthusiast of a blonde so known as Demyx, was not waiting to ask me where I'd been. I didn't want to answer. I didn't want to speak. I wanted to hide in my room for twenty four hours and then sneak away and leave forever. Damn...I wish I could have left that night. Things would have been so much easier.

Stepping inside, I took a quick look around for the hyperactive nobody, and fortunately, that one task had gone right. Demyx was nowhere to be seen. I walked carelessly to my room, bumping into...someone on my way there but not looking up to see who it was. My feet dragged sluggishly along the floor as I walked through the door. Every sound was so annoying to me, from the sound of the door closing, to the sound of my body falling against the mattress. My bed still smelled like Axel. My pillows...my sheets...everything still held his essence.

_DAMN IT! Why does everything I do have to remind me of him?_ I thought, as a tear finally escaped the lids of my eyes, making it's way down the side of my eye and back into my hair. I sniffed, turned over on the bed, and snuggled into the pillow the smelled of ash. As I inhaled the deep scent into my lungs, my body relaxed, and I became comforted by the mere aroma.

My eyes were drooping closed, and, as much as I fought to keep them open and myself awake, I didn't let go of the bit of cloth and fluff that rested in my arms, causing me to remain in such a sleepy state. My lethargic mind ran over thoughts of the red-head once more, and I finally came to a realization. I had to...see him goodbye, right? Right. I had to...as long as he didn't see me see him goodbye...yeah...that makes sense...

I peeked up at my clock, realizing after a few moments of deep thought that Axel would most likely be asleep. I conjured up the last of my energy into pushing my body onto my feet. By some miracle, I made it through the door and down the now empty hallway. My hand rested slowly on Axel's cold metal doorknob, which never felt so...what's the word...uninviting before now.

The door made an unbearable creek as it opened, and I feared that Axel would wake up because of it. I peeked into the room, only to find the tall nobody curled up in his sheets, deeply asleep. Tears were brimming my eyes once more as I tip toed into the room and looked over him. His cheeks were stained with tears and the lids of his eyes were red. It broke me to look at him.

Without hesitation, I kissed his lips lightly–it was barely even eligible to be called a kiss–and made my way back out of the room with a whispered farewell. I don't quite remember exactly what I said, perhaps because saying goodbye to him is a memory very strongly suppressed in the back of my mind. If I knew when I woke up that morning I would be saying my goodbyes...things would have been so much different.

If only I'd known that moment was going to come...I would have stayed in his arms a little longer before...

* * *

I didn't see Axel at all the day that I left. But I figured that it was probably a good thing. It was so dark that night...and so cold. I looked back at the castle one last time before walking away. 

I had to admit I was scared. Well...nervous. Nervous and scared...okay I was freaking out. I mean, here I was, about six months into my existence, a nobody, and about to walk away from the only shelter I'd ever had, the person I love, and my memories. I could hear my boots thumping against the pavement as I walked through the dark street, my cloak I could hear rustling against my body. Every sound was intensified by my own nervousness.

_Thump, thump, thump._ Through the streets to the agreed meeting spot. _Thump, thump, thump. _Away from the castle I never knew as a home. _Thump, thump, thump._ And closer to the person who'd soon make me forget it all.

"Your mind's made up?" Axel. I had walked right past him and didn't even notice he was there.

I stopped. A lie quickly formed in my head and I blurted it without hesitation, fighting to keep the sternness to my voice. "Why did the keyblade choose me? I have to know."

"You can't turn on the organization!" He said, I listened as his shoes slid across the ground and I knew he was looking towards me, though my back was facing him.

I shrugged. "What does it matter...?"

"You idiot!" He screamed, sending chills down my spine. "You get on their bad side and they'll destroy you!" His voice was so strong, and flooded with a tone of worry.

I kept myself turned away from him, looking down towards the ground. "No one would miss me."

His response was almost immediate, as if he didn't mean to say it but it came out anyways. "That's not true!" I knew it wasn't...but I had to pretend that it was for his sake. His voice fell to a whisper as if I wasn't supposed to hear his next words. "I would."

But I did hear his words...and they echoed in my mind as if taunting me. I didn't know how to respond to them...so I didn't...

It took all of my being not to run back and stay in his arms. Not to cry to him and tell him everything that happened and what was going on. Instead, I held in the pending tears in my eyes, took a deep breath, and I walked away, my lips craving one last kiss.

* * *

"All nobodies have an other, Roxas. Their other is the human whose heart was originally taken from them, and whose remains created you." As DiZ spoke, we walked, allowing me to take a first look at his lab. 

I nodded, showing that I understood, but remained silent as I walked with DiZ through his laboratory. Multiple machines and gadgets that I knew nothing about ran along every wall. There was barely any empty space in the entire room.

Everything was lit by the many computers in the room, instead of any overhead lighting. One large chair sat in the corner of the room in front of a larger computer screen.

"Your other is a boy named Sora. He is also a keyblade master. He is healing now and asleep. He will wake up in six months or so. First he needs a good rest." DiZ smiled down at me, but I only nodded.

"I understand that you're scared, Roxas. I have created a world for you. You have friends there. After this procedure, you'll live there."

I nodded once more and continued to walk beside him until we got to the chair. "Roxas, I'd like you to meet someone."

A cloaked figure stepped forward from the other side of the chair. His silver hair hung from the hood of his cloak, telling me who it was. "You're that guy! The intruder!" The guy who hurt Axel.

"Roxas, meet Riku." Riku, as I'd then known him to be, offered his hand.

"Sorry for hurting your friend." He said.

I glared at him, but the blindfold he wore prevented him from seeing it. After he realized I was not going to shake his hand, he retracted it nervously.

"Riku is Sora's best friend and my assistant."

He nodded blindly, but remained silent. "Like you and that red-head." Wait...why did he need an example?

Because of that statement, and my very thoughts already lingering on the man I left behind, I kicked him, sending him on one foot while he grabbed his shin in pain.

"That's enough you two." DiZ said, sternly. "Now. Lets begin." He motioned to a circle on the floor. "Roxas. Stand there and we'll begin."

I did as I was told and walked into the circle he pointed at. Afterwards, for the first time, I experienced the feeling of pure nothingness.

_A-X-E-L. Got it memorized?_

_We are nobodies. Remember that. We have no hearts, no emotions, nothing._

That's why I feel so empty...

_I'm not going to lie to you, kid. You never get used to it_

_So you snuggled into my arms while I was on my good side?_

I was comfy!

Are you okay?

_I'm wonderful..._

_Do you have my body...memorized?_

_Roxas...what is this?_

I don't know...but I like it

_You did _not_ just tease me..._

_Roxas I do. I love you...and you love me too!_

I'll never forget you. Never...I promise...

_If you leave I'll just be ...a nobody!_

Never let me go...

_Never...I promise..._

* * *

Pain. I remember pain. They say that I have amnesia and that I don't remember anything, but I do remember a very strong sense of pain in my chest. I remember... I remember heartache and something else. 

I remember...flames. Beautiful...dancing...flames...

**-End-**

**_Note:_**_ That's right. That's the end. The rest is continued in the game itself. I do have another story in my mind though that I will probably start on soon. So wish me luck on that. Please review. I hope you enjoyed this! Sorry this was indeed kind of a short story... I'm sorry!!_

_Meryl is so lucky..._


End file.
